Asian Baywatch Chick

Dreams are possible when you believe in it!!! :)

2011-03-10T19:20:00.017+08:00

Finally I am back on track, after a one year hiatus....I found my way back to where I left off...
Apart from the spiritual side which I have serve to change for the better, but let's face reality...the human inside me and the GOD that I'm still trying to find my relationship with, will continue to be my biggest battle...

Having said that, I have been given a calling...and I really want to share my dream with those who can understand the reason for it!!!! Before I continue, let me greet you from Sydney, Australia where I am now based at.

The view is magnificent from where I was... continuously inspiring me to remember what and how I will eventually get to the top, right above but not because of my quest in being an achiever but for humanity sake and for a more higher cause. I knew it all along, that I would eventually be a teacher. Having said that, I needed to also know what kind of a teacher I would want to be?? I will not have that opportunity to be the teacher which I vision myself if I don't succeed in being taught by what I consider the best teachers out there.

Hence, the prayer which I made, did wonders when I was offered by the universities which I have applied too and everyone gave me a positive response and it was sign to show that I do have what it takes to make my dreams alive!!! It was a sign to show that a higher calling "GOD" had answered to my prayers and tell me to go on with what I dreamt to do.

However, I really feel for my people back in Malaysia especially the students which I have taught. The sad reality has made their education system stumble to such a degrading outcome, it's impossible to even imagine what's left of the next generation. The last straw was when they make it compulsory that Science and Mathematics subjects being switch back to Bahasa ( Malay language). Honestly, what are they thinking??? I am not going to even go into there, for the frustrations and the reality have already been pointed out clearly that if you take things to light, will not get anywhere. Thus, you work within yourself and silence is golden until action is delivered to make things happen!

For a teacher, it is very depressing when students who work amazingly hard, delivers good results and yet, not given the spot they deserve in universities. It is truly disheartening and the worse thing about being that teacher to those students, you virtually feel the pain and anguish they have suffered because you are virtually experiencing it yourself. The motivation has only come to a road block and hence, you start reflecting upon yourself what have you/they done wrong??Or rather, what can you do that may possibly provide a solution perhaps, in future?

Having said that, the passion of being a teacher. The desire of hoping that someday Malaysian students will be given the opportunity they deserve. The chance to just have good quality education with a fair system behind. Until then, as the saying goes, this can only happen when we help ourselves before we help others around us. I am not afraid of what I need to encounter to make this dream happen, the project to build smart/IB schools in Malaysia.

Thus, only education can be the frontier to enable our generation to move on well. We only can part the right knowledge, the truth and good quality education should always be given to students to excel and to live what they deserve if they work hard and strived for it. We only seek justice in light for those deserving and equal opportunity should always be given to all, these are basic human rights which is understood but not adopted. How frustrating, and how sad!!

I will need the support from those who can contribute, from friends around the world whom have that similar understanding when the time comes.Until then, I had better reflect within myself and do whatever I should be doing first, to get to where I can be. However, I truly thank GOD for the amazing family support I have from the mom and brother I love most. They truly went through a lot in life, they inspire me tremendously, and at this stage I am nowhere near my goals yet, but I do know that it is a blessing to just have such love and support from my family. It is already a small success just having that alone and I am truly thankful!

Leaving comfort for uncertainty, leaving luxury for poverty (ok that's exaggerated LOL) but whatever it is, I am motivated to do whatever I can to ensure that one day, those students which I had taught be proud and know that their "Teacher" did not fail them. We can't get what we want sometimes, not within our power and control. But, we must not give up and should always strive to improve even though the boundaries are difficult and yet noone can stop our spirits from fighting. Making us stronger, wiser and more human :)

Religious vs Rebellious

2010-05-01T15:14:00.012+08:00

This is gonna be an interesting post cuz let me tell u something, do u know that someone who deems to be rebellious is also at the same time religious. In fact, the ones who rebels the most will end up the most religious of the whole lot.

Most of the time they also suffer from a split personality. The reason they do so, is because they're highly intelligent, and when u have high intellect abilities, you see things the average humans don't see. Most of the time you will know that what you're doing is wrong. You will bring up thousand and one arguments within yourself to justify your actions. But at the end of the day, your heart still give you that feeling of knowing that its still wrong.

Then you will still not want to admit and choose to either ignore or justify again with some super intellectual answers to ease off that tingling sense in your heart. Main reason is because you're extremely bothered about your ego status, and refuse to just succumb and give in to admitting your wrong. That's because highly intellectuals also have the highest expectation of being seen as an all rounder, in terms of everything, they're the perfectionist of them all.

Now you will notice as you read through this entry, I am posting up pictures of beautiful beach babes and dude and yes, this is in one of the most amazing beaches of all the beaches alongside Miami beach, as a matter of fact, it is just along the coastline and 2 hours away in the best part of Florida. This is also where your CSI movies and all happening parties and super clubbing events will be hosted. Hence, u want cracks, u can get it alongside the drinks stalls. They even sell weed packets in the candy shop. What an innocent front with so much going on below eh LOL...

That's exactly what I meant when I say that rebellious ppl which we judge as bad will always be the actual angel at hearts, and innocent ones will be the ones to watch out for.In case you're lost. To the new readers of this blog, my ultimate purpose to blog is to reach out to you in the most unusual way possible to get you to come back to your savior (whether u're a christian/buddhist/muslim). If you wanna call me a preacher, then I am one maybe more like a cyber messenger. But I am really doing it because this is what you need to know,in order to free yourself, find your calling and stop being ignorant!!!!

Our time of today has been swap with an evolution of selfishness, our making in a way, but if we don't straighten things out for our future generations. We will be the one (you and me) which will continue to live in such a world of vague and meaningless existence. Imagine if everyone of us, be it a model, a fashionista, banker, lawyer etc.. if we can just incorporate back this little message and try our very best to lend a helping hand in any way we possibly could. How different the world could be and the happiness that brings about it.

If you seat back and seriously ask yourself, whether what you're doing currently makes you happy. Nine out of ten of you will say you're not. The next question that comes along the way will be what do you want to do? What will truly make you happy??What is your purpose in life?? what is your reason being here?? Have you ever ask yourself these questions? Or do you choose to ignore it because its just too much to even think about it.But the truth is that, if you never find these answers, you will suffer all your life. Its just a matter of running and hiding and den having to confront and run and gosh....so tired adi jt thinking abt it...

Now let me tell you the answer is inside you, look inside your heart open up and let that conscience out. I am sorry if I sound suddenly so pushy all at once. The reason, I am so excited is because I'm let in on the secret and the answer to it, and I want you to experience such tremendous clarity, joy and happiness when you find this.

Of course, i will be perceive as a lunatic, but i honestly don't care...for my ultimate desire is just wanting to share with you that happiness, and letting you know how much u;re love and cared for, and most of all...the problems that comes about in every one of you, is just not being neglected nor ignored. It is meant to be discuss and to solve and to face and your creators are there to see you through it...only thing now is that, you gotta pick between religious and rebellious but not BOTH!!!....:)

Humility...

2010-04-28T11:23:00.009+08:00

As I think back about the times when I was riding the bicycle across the windy highways, I still remember how scary and how brave I was facing that horrific journey on a 5am morning. That very day, thunderstorms were on, with just a rain coat on.I literally drag my way to the front of the coffee house.

Thinking back about the whole incident, it was a miracle to have survive that fierce thunderstorm bought about by a nearby typhoon that was going on. That was the first time I endure how dangerous life could be when you're all alone out there in the world. It was truly an experience. Today I am so proud of telling people about how I use to be a barista and manage a whole coffee brewery. Thanks to my Jewish boss whom had faith in putting his whole shop to my hands.

Having said that, he make sure that I lived comfortably in his staff quarters (a beautiful bungalow) situated in a neighborhood just like what you see in the scenes of desperate housewives episodes.

It was an exchange of providing him excellent service to make sure his customers were happy and making sure his coffee house is well taken care off. Then again its also a big price to pay for we have to travel that dangerous journey knowing that we could die any day of that morning. This is the sacrifices we made :)... but I truly cherish those experience which humbles me to such a level, I realize how much I need to know and how little I would not have become, if I had not took the opportunity to go out there and challenge myself.

Thus,whenever I come across any waiters/waitress especially baristas. I truly respect them and promise myself to treat them with greater respect and will appreciate them for the work they have done to serve the rest of the humans everyday. Sometimes people disregard others just because they're not anybody big. They don't hold big shot positions in corporate firms. That's where I truly thank my mom for always telling me never ever to look down on anyone, because everyone have that equal opportunity to shine, even the boy who works as a cleaner. You'll never know really. Thus, don't you ever dare talk down to anyone, because they're just as human as you.

Contrastingly, when I finally work for a corporate firm. I feel very small and really not proud about myself. For maybe the money is greater, but the satisfaction was really a tug at my heart. Given a chance again, I would return back to the humble coffee parlor. But of course I know my journey now requires me to experience all these,in order to plan for greater things ahead.Hence, the coffee house days are a sanctuary,corporate days are just a reality to understand how badly faith and hope inside people are slowly diminishing. Its truly sad,but it is not an end, we can still make the world a better place if we start with ourselves.

I truly miss my jewish boss and his family whom show me the real deal of how truly successful when one is,yet his mannerism is so ordinary, so incredibly humble and his wife is an angel explaining the angelic children that comes with it. At our first true blue american thanksgiving dinner.

Oby and his wife builds their coffee empire from scratch, and now obby lee coffee roastery together with their trademark Vanilla Dream recipe, is almost like your MILO in north america. But of course, they're just ordinary humans. But this particular town of Rehoboth situated in Delaware, the smallest state in the 50 states of America, serves to show me the most precious kind of humanity that still exist. The love and care of each individual you come across, as I think back of all the things and all the people I met. I believe even if they would have encounter tough times due to the recession. Their faith and belief will bring them through, and that's what make them so special.

To be continued.....

Transition Period.....Heaven vs Hell

2010-04-24T11:28:00.017+08:00

Part 2: Journey to the States and back (March 09-Feb 2010)

Its been exactly a year again, and life had been interestingly up and down. I almost forgot about my blog, until I pick up this book by a family friend daughter, who publish her recent biography and experience. It hits home for me, because maybe its to do with the fact that our upbringing is so similar. Of course, hers was much more glamorous to say the least. Yet, for her to transcend and become such a difference, it takes a lot of courage, a lot of humility and a lot of strength to do so. And I must say that, I am very proud of the fact that I had been acquainted to her once upon a time when I was much younger.

To those females especially the ages of 18-62 yrs or so, if you truly need inspiration. Trust me, you will get it through this book.(http://bookstome.blogspot.com/2010/03/call-me-paris-jamie-khoo_24.html)
Having said that, I am now strongly motivated to continue with my own stories reviving this blog, in order to bring in some form of inspiration and to document these one of a kind experiences, which deserve a chance to be told. I left off with my last blog where I was to travel to HK and Florida, US. Hence, starting with the family trip to HK. It was a treat again from the lovely brother as an Xmas pressie.(Told you he was the best brother on earth!!!! :)

We went to Disney HK, and sadly as I think back. I was so ashamed of myself for being so pissy, because I was comparing it to the Disneyland in Orlando ( Just because I had that privilege of being to the World's number #1 Disney park). Of course, not to mention that card which grant unlimited access, my Sea World's employee card.

Imagine being able to go in and out of Universal studios like your Taman Negara, or better still the the normal park right in your neighborhood. Yet, you have people all over the world, coming all the way once in a lifetime just to visit, being so excited, for this was probably their first and last time.In HK Disney Feb 09 ( mini version) with fml and below version of Woody and his gang in the Orlando, Disneyland park Oct 08.

It was certainly a contrast, or as quoted by Jamie's book. A gal spoil for choice and so ridiculously lucky and yet, so ridiculously unhappy. Man , I am seriously in need of brain check. However once again, as they say the pen is mightier than a sword. Thus, the purpose of my blogging is to reach out to people of the world today, that the idea of happiness is truthfully nothing but letting go your egos, facing your fears ,finding your true calling and being grateful and ultimately humble towards yourself and your creator ( be it Buddha, Jesus, Allah or GOD as we all know altogether).

(With one of my best gf and I. We have been through so much together, words cannot describe the journey that we experienced. Yet, she is also one inspirational individual who I truly believe will unleash her potential and soar towards the sky, I have my absolute faith and trust in her!! :)

Hence, of my 26 yrs journey in life. I truly had experience miracles which I cannot deny,tragic incidents which are heartfelt and still paint such strong effects to my soul. However, the holy spirit and I play such a crucial role because, it helps me through and it tells me that if we constantly believe in the best and think the most positive thoughts. No matter what happens, you survive it and you will emerge stronger, and a more wholesome individual.

I could tell you so much, but really a picture do speak a thousand words. One minute I am being send to swim with dolphins in fairytale land which I would only dare to dream upon whenever I read those Disney or Enid Blyton Fairytale stories.

And next thing you know, it send you to the most remote place on earth. with the basic to the basic amenities. Yes I even look super crappy here as I painstakingly work my way through that whole pile of palm oil bunches.
Basically the transition is like from heaven to hell, the 360 degrees turn and how powerful GOD can be when you finally listen and he will instruct you on your mission. I am not any proud of the many things I have done, but I can honestly say that I am just proud of the fact that I am no longer running, nor using anymore intellectual debate, nor needing to find one of the thousand excuses to avoid my salvation.

I could only tell you this much not for the sake of sounding like some nun, but then again at this moment as I pen down this blog. I am just very much afraid too of what I could do, or what I can't anymore. As a matter of fact, I was just out clubbing my heart out in the Zouk's Madhatter's bday party some time last month. And then I was still unable to fend off those wine sessions with close buddies.

But as of now, I have make a promise to close the chapter on Alcohol and Ciggies etc. Because I want too, and there's no reason for such activities which serve to be nothing but health hazards. Not to mention, creating even more chaos and even more unwanted attention. I really don't know how friends will react as well as fml members. But I don't care, for the calling is too intense. As of slowly giving up the little pleasures in life, to be brutally honest. I am still not prepared for that change.

Yet, from Jamie's journey with her spiritual side. I will also take the same pace in finding mine. Being a human I will slide and still have my down days. But I believe in taking the christian approach to what I can fit into the modern day teachings. I will start the preaching, in my own unusual but sincere way.

But most of all, I will still be who I am and be true to who I will end up being. I will make mistakes, but I want you to know that its normal, and it does not justify how bad you are. Because its never too late to change, never too late to return back to your creator.

For the love is so great, btw ( I dun even read the bible...sigh and considering that I want to start preaching...gosh...) However, the main importance at the end of this blog is just to send to you the message of being free, open and not ever needing to worry a single day of your life figuring out your purpose and be unhappy. Because, the actual purpose is already inside you, listen to your heart and be humble and pray to your creator (applying to all religions) and ask for help when you need it. This is the real secret of all secrets :)

God bless you!!!
Love,
Lynn

Life after MSc graduation Feb 2009....;)

2009-06-10T13:13:00.036+08:00

I took one year off, and my blog was dead as I had to focus and use all my energy on studies, assignments, projects and thesis writing instead. I manage to come out with the whole book alas under 3 months!!!

In the midst of doing so, I had to sacrifice my social life which was place on hold for nine trying months. Imagine that most people will be celebrating after 3/4 years of getting a bachelor's and yet being the kiasu one out of the whole lot, I readily jump into a Master's programme right after that. Not to mention one, which most ppl have seriously no clue on what the hell we're studying about!! And seriously for a person like me (super city gal) to do it, I'm much more surprise than anyone the fact that I could be thrown into a jungle/plantation seeing and talking to nothing but greens, yet...WTF I make it!!! ;)
To be honest, I never expected to be accepted into this MSc in Crop Biotech programme under Nottingham Uni, somehow I feel that my PR skills got the better of the course director, and now the chief supervisor of my project!! So, it goes to show that anything is possible if you prance and dance around like you own it and just be super hyper and convincing lol...well I'm not lying because although some ppl will say that I am smart (perasannya) , but I really think I'm more of a street smart than a book smart kinda person. but whatever it is, I would still have to say that nothing beats hard work, perseverance and a kiasu attitude lol...;PPosing with palm oil bunches, bitten by mosquitoes all over trying to get palm oil fruits.

The city gal and bunches if palm oil fruits. Seriously it was so hot, I was trying my best to just get through the day. FYI, this is in a super remote area and the hotel I was staying with my best gf whom is also my classmate was super haunted no joke!!!!

This is a dragon-druit plantation which we visited in the field trip.

The poster which was done in 2 days and less than 8 hrs sleep in the process of doing so, still dunno how da hell I survive it!!
Wannabe scientist...seriously I was screwing up so badly here as I realized I mixed up all the wrong DNAs in the wrong tubes hehe..

My best friend WP and I camwhoring when we were suppose to be doing stuff, if you look closely we had panda eyes from deprivation of sleep!!!

It was indeed a challenge, which I hope that this decision will not be all in vain. For now, I am all ready to partay the hell out of this whole intense period and hence I am starting my holiday tour with HK , the starting leg of my world tour, before flying off to Florida,Orlando for 3 mths again, (yes, I did this last year but trip was cut short cuz of studies.... ) to be part of the SeaWorld Internship programme and just fking hell regain back my party queen status!!!
Meanwhile,I don't really want to go into details the amount of stress nor to mention the intensive and trying times which I undergo. But I guess I have to say that after all the endless dramas, over addiction to caffeine and constant battles of the mental mind aka brain. I offically made it on the 21st of Feb 2009.Waiting for my turn to get my gown fitted on.

Acting all cool while getting a pic of myself taken fr the back, to be honest, I was nervous as hell!!

Posing with my super cute brother (sry he's taken hehe) also one of my major supporter in my studies, seriously I owe him big time and I'm not kidding when I say that he's the best brother on earth. I 'm super duper lucky ;)

And the main person behind my success all this while, is non other than my super awesome and pretty mummy!! (Now you know where I inherited my good genes from ..)

This was the 2007 Bachelor's graduation (notice the robe is purple,which was held in March 2008.

Receiving my scroll for the 2nd time within 10 months, quite a record huh...lol ;) This angmoh which is quite cute is seriously a pain in the ass when you see him walking ard in my faculty dept..
Posing with the current chancellor of Nottingham University (63rd ranking in the world according to Times Higher Education,2008). so proud that its a chinese chancellor...go CHINA hahahah

Neways...I m dead tired now, still got tons of pics not to mention stories to continue on, stay tune for part 2 of the grad stories and yes, I plan to revive my blog and am gonna make sure that its gonna be damn awesome, because I have every reason too... not to mention that my pics yet to be posted is so fking awesome!!!! Seriously I aim to be even more famous then xiaxue combining with dawn yang and even Kenny sia although he's not really my main competitor because:

A) I'more educated lol,
B) I 'm damn chio and a city gal too...
C) I've or rather I date angmohs too,
D) I 'm in da states as well, just so that dawn yang can understand det just bcuz she's in NYC, its
not det big deal, cuz god damn it, its just another city and seriously nuthing much to shout abt
and
E) I have made it to be an Asian baywatch chick or rather a Lifeguard in the state, and in Florida the place where Miami is, since I'm certified by the American Red Cross, I can very well be working in the beaches of Miami if I want too. And yes I am or rather ,I was the only chinese Malaysian LG working in da newest water park by SeaWorld called Aquatica opened recently in year 2008, its super awesome park (pics will b posted soon) ....neways my blog title says it all...

So, who's better than to write you all the news and the real deal, hence if you want source of entertainment and a lot more info to help you be inspired,entertained, amusement etc....you just gotta stay tune for more....;)

Hugs & kisses,
Lynn

2007-11-11T01:02:00.000+08:00

Memories of no regrets...

Unleashed a moment of glory,
despite all the unnecessary.
So beautiful to have such a feeling,
be it temporary, it will be cherished.

Hopeful of long term reconcilation,
lost with words of imagination.
Time heals and the soul rebuilds,
Happiness rise when life within glows with pride.

Love is so beautiful,
everlasting desires,immuned to behaviour.
Expectation are not in need of a cure,
just a moment of silence and a second of knowing
that one is loved...

Life may be short,
but every new chapter arises,
for now life is just a start,
of a neverending path.

Lastly, u know who u r,
i thank u from the bottom of my heart,
the feeling is unexplainable,
lets see where the boundaries take us afar....:)

2007-08-12T17:29:00.000+08:00

Letting go...

To Let go does not mean to stop caring......
it means I can't do it for someone else.

To Let go is not to cut myself off......i
t is the realization I can't control another.

To Let go is not to enable... ...
but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To Let go is to admit powerlessness... ...
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To Let go is not to try to change or blame another......
it's to make the most of myself.

To Let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To Let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To Let go is not to judge... ...
but to allow another to be a human being.

To Let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes.
.. ...but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To Let go is not to be protective... ...

it's to permit another to face reality.
To Let go is not to deny, but to accept.

To Let go is not to nag, scold, or argue... ...
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To Let go is not to adjust everything to my desires... ...
but to take each day as it comes, and cherish myself in it.

To Let go is not to criticize and regulate anybody... ...
but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To Let go is not to regret the past... ...
but to grow and live for the future.

2007-08-08T22:13:00.000+08:00

A little gal's riddle.....

a lil gal sat by the window,
running around in circles.
a life filled with many more laughter,
a love that never rekindles.

She often ask why and what was her fault,
being not the molded creation?
or being ashamed of all that has happened?
The funny thing is that it is not her fault yet,
she wonder why she make a mountain of creations.

Perhaps, all was it to protect,
the very person that made her the way she is,
or rather led her through so much uncertainty,
and yet manipulated her feelings and thoughts.

Let me bring you back to the chapter,
where she was filled with so much love,
she holds on to her impression,
for they say love is all that conquers..

Yet, does it actually matters,
that the very person that meant all the world to her.
seems so lost in space,
so they say forgive and forget,
but what was being inked onto it,
can be forgiven,
but never be forgotten because it has already been displayed.

Now the footing has to be mend,
she goes all out to prove her worth,
she make sure she don't make anymore mistakes.
for she does not want to b made a laughingstock,
for the mistakes that was not hers to carry,
neither was her burden,nor was her making.

She became so torn in between,
either to save herself or make up stories,
or rather save the very person she trust,
for she knows noone will ever bother,
about this pitiful figure,
whom had given her much and yet taken it off as well.

They say being what you are,
truthful to yourself is really what matters.
if u r a good gal,just b proud and b one,
if u aren't,GOD never make u bad,
so this is probably your own making, deal with it.

Yet, sometimes its very unfair that those undeserving ones,
get everything that is not theirs.
And for those that does,not only that they don't get what they deserve,
instead are being thrown all in the wrong path.

So to speak, humans are still made of feelings,
what more a lil gal??
maybe the reason that everything happens,
is all that makes a person learn,
what is left to be, and make to be.

Hatred is gone, love in place,
yet a journey of hurt still takes place.
Somehow its always end in its own way,
to blessed the person of their lost ways,
or bitch it and end up a whole pile of confusion.

Alas,the lil gal learn det,if u do love,
then you must understand and learn to let go.
to blessed them as they carry on their journey,
bless urself more by letting of the burden,
of not ever having to feel sorry,
becuz u have already LOVED..:)

(PS: it has been criticized all along this theory, but how could u change a person whom have so much to offer, when there's already less out dere? being true is what really matters...hence,the story of the lil gal might never have a happily ever ending, but hopefully one that has meaning in which she cherished!! :P)

2007-07-21T00:38:00.000+08:00

in the darkest hour

seeping through you,
strangling through all the absence,
noone can tell how perfection kills.
countless of times you want to pull the finale,
you stop yourself because there is too much at stake.

it is worth it??
not to your imagination,
nobody will understand,
because noone can comprehend,
how lovely u look,
how much u accomplish,
yet noone bothers to know,
that what was dere was merely nothing as compared.

you know why the achievement was achieved,
the sorrow det endured,
the pain that cannot be replaced
how can you possibly explain?
you yearn for everything that was never gonna be dere,
you play the impossible,
you live like you were given the best,
or so they thought..

you feel selfish for being incontended,
for what was yours was rob away,
how can they possibly compare?
the only way that could ever matters did not.

values of your concern,
beliefs of what that does not rebel.
you think so much, u are such a loser,
why cant you just be truthful and just let loose?
yet how do you go about and start,
when you know its rather impossible to even know when is the start?

it is possible to hide away,
to run and just never face the truth?
or is it better just to conceal,
play the eye of the beholder,
play the role of perfection,
play the role of everything but not yourself.
because u were ashamed of whatever it could ve matters,
your mind are playing games,
in this darkest hour,
u fear u ll lose,
insanity arises,
or sanity kills,
in such a sad journey,
u ve to rise above.

it was never your decision,
neither your choice,
but you make the best of what you imagine,
you know nothing will help,
because all they ever care,
is how much you are of value to them,
of use, and of purpose,
of sights and of gold.

you either die rich or poor,
never the latter,you finally found love,
but is it for real?
even strangers seems sincere,
even det moment that provided was wat u r willing to sacrifice for,
just to feel a sense of true touch,or sense of self..
complicated, beyond words..
in the darkest hour,
you find its easier if you just end everything
and everything....

life goes on,
stop complaining,
but seriously can it??
angelic people come to your rescue,
and all u ever think about is how stupid they think they are,
that they will ever understand,
or they will ever come close to understanding.

how do u compare, in the 1st place there's no comparison,
u feel like even if u were played out of feelings,
it does not matter,
not like u ever care det it was real anyway,
bcuz even if so it was probably temporary,
and u dun mind sacrificing that second,
why bother to see what is the real conclusion anyway??

its better that they did so to you,
cuz rather than you hurting them
you can get over your conscience anyways,
what was not yours will never be,
and what was yours was also taken away.

maybe its time you just leave,
cuz nothing really matters anymore,
when you feel torn in between,
fake,a mirror of lesions,
life has always been a tough journey.
so u either play along or play within,
or just don't play....

leave...thats the answer,or rather a solution....

in the darkest hour.....

2007-05-17T22:37:00.000+08:00

Beneath lies and acceptance...

Covered by a dark cloud,
the sun shines over but it never ceased to open.
It is covered with layers of memories,
so sad it does not realized how entwined it has been.

How else who it have realized?
That being honest is all it needs to unpeeled the layers.
Its sorrowfulness is indeed a surprise,
because it came as a shock from between.

Sometimes its better,
to just accept what was fated,
whether things were to happened?
looking forward is now all that matters.
Fragile to the point it became strong,
no cracks in between, immune to resist.

Its always better to experience then to talk,
because it never understood when no actions are brought upon.
However much difficult,
life goes on...
sometimes we wonder why we made such delirious mistakes..
it feels weird to a point that it just make belief,
but what actuaaly took place cannot be erased deep within.

So what next,
ponders the question of denial,
what happen cannot be changed back,
neither reversed,
taking a day at a time,
until all is well, healed and loved...

2007-04-23T00:09:00.000+08:00

if u only knew...

threats are meaningless,
if u leave with it the wounds you hurt.
letting go is never easy,
but moving on is what u need to do to stay alert.

some people r just so beautiful inside,
yet u ve no means to hurt them,
and decide otherwise to leave em.
It ponders on the loss you will regret in time,
or the joy u would never had received.

sometimes its just a matter of choice,
yet, some choices are fixed upon.
we wonder why??
Thinking twice,
its really a matter of 2 lives entwined,
somehow belonging to 2 diff worlds det will never coincide.

the mind makes complications,
det arise like no intuitions.
alas its not a kindred spirirt,
intentions at large,or rather pure spirits.

have loss many senses of faith,
to revived again somehow takes too much effort and drive.
maybe drifting away at a point allows the freedom of the mind,
or perhaps, if it never encounter the sheer temptations,
it will continue to just stay put and turn dry.

you will never know until u try,
that was being said all the while.
yet, when what turns ugly at the end of times,
definitely is not easy to comprehend with just a good cry....

2007-04-16T00:20:00.000+08:00

when we finally come to senses,
u dun run away from within.
what tells u and teaches u,
r not just in between.
Everything holds bigger meaning,
if u look afar and learn anew.
Open your mind, and challenge the dream,
of being merely the lesser the better akin.

Living immortal, is merely a sin,
mortal beings goes to heaven up with HIM!
Life's a blessing, bigger blessings comes beyond then,
why live in fear, ponder in sheer,
and brings about unhappiness,
when's all bound to be cured.

When u finally dare to be different,
take up the challenge,
facing the biggest battle,
of learning to not hold back,
don't give excuses, but just to hold on to
faith and spirit that has always been given
for the LOVE by HIM!!!

is it possible?

2007-04-11T15:28:00.000+08:00

fate plays a weird game,
when it allows you to meet an unexpected guest.
the blossoming fact is nothing but merely an answer to your own quest.
You wonder whether it last or its just for a short frame.

why do the mind ponder so much?
when all it ever seems like, are nothing much but just a passing by occurence.
Yet, it seems wasted,dawn on something far beyond that.
Wishing that everything isn't so complicated,
however much expected, however much degraded.

To run away from reality,refusing to believe what should be seen,
some people are just not worth it,or so to say,
some are just too worthy of any unkindness befallen on them.

Hence, guilt rise up in the heart beyond,
for it never actually opens out and sings the song.
Question is, should it continue...or should it be ignorant, or rather,
follow the flow of the river, which hopefully brings it to a better
ocean....

quater life crisis...

2007-03-31T21:39:00.000+08:00

In the midst of receiving the bulk of emails everyday, yet i cant seemed to dismiss this particular one which just seems so honest and yet exactly how and what i actually feel at the moment..anyhow..here goes..

BEING TWENTY - SOMETHING (Read The Whole Thing.... It's worth it.)

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."

It is when you stop going along with the crowd ,
and start realizing that there are many things about yourself,
that you didn't know and may not like.
You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two,
but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that,
maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to,
aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met,
and the people you have lost touch with,
are some of the most important ones.

What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too,
and aren't really cold,catty, mean or insincere,
but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job...
and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing,
or maybe you are looking for a job,
and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom,
and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger.
You see what others are doing,
and find yourself judging more than usual,
because suddenly you realize,
that you have certain boundaries in your life,
and are constantly adding things to your lis,
t of what is acceptable and what isn't.

One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.
You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life.
You feel alone and scared and confused.

Suddenly, change is the enemy,
and you try and cling on to the past with dear life,
You realize that the past is drifting further and further away,
and there is nothing to do but stay where you are,
or move forward.

You get your heart broken ,
and wonder how someone you loved,
could do such damage to you.
Or you lie in bed and wonder,
why you can't meet anyone decent enough,
that you want to get to know better.

Or maybe you love someone,
but love someone else too,
and cannot figure out why you are doing this.
Because you know that you aren't a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap.
Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over,
and talk with your friends about the same topics,
because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans, money,
the future and making a life for yourself...
and while winning the race would be great,
right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it.
We are in our best of times and our worst of times,
trying as hard to figure this whole thing out.

Send this to your twenty-something friends...maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion........
Anyhow ...God bless you!

(well i guess if u r suffering the quarter life crisis, rest assured that you are just normal and life will be better if u get it out in the open, face your devils and live a better tomorrow...:) )

2007-03-15T21:28:00.000+08:00

Keep walking,though there's no place to get to.

Don't try to see through the distances.

That's not for human beings.Move within,

But don't move the way fear makes you move.

-Rumi-

And the touble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.--erica jong

awakening..

2007-03-11T20:00:00.000+08:00

going to the path of memories,
holding back and urging to discover what queries?
consequences of actions are undeniable,
feelings of hurt, being troubled, complicated...

its good when the heart hardens,
yet bad because emotions are no longer real.
role of characters,played at diff times,
diff hours with diff people.

man cannot choose what role to play, rather what is being choose to be played.
wonders of absolutely nonsense,
words of gossip and jealousy.
what could be better than to block it away,
as ignorance is bliss..

its never easy when faced with truth n reality,
yet, worse if it is not faced.
what makes one equal 2, would not necessarily works the same way through.
life is just a lesson,
nothing more nothing less,
u dun owe noone neither do they owe u,
hence, be fair in the decisions u made,
actions u choose and accept the consequence,
let time heal.....

lesson learnt..

2007-01-20T21:25:00.000+08:00

its pointless to become what u r not,
trying to fit the bill and getting all lost.
why make the mistake when u know the consequence?
having to suffer and be hurt due to ur own cause..

its easy to say but hard to walk,
its never too late if u turn back the clock.
dun give excuses to what u know its not,
stop hoping and creating pictures which is false.

heartbreaking as it is,
some things are just not meant to be.
people come and go,
love do not.
what u seek, may not be received,
hence its better u let go,
move on and meet what is best and what is yours.

u can never cheat urself,
neither can u fool ur heart.
u know what ll happen if u do not love yourself enough.
thank god for giving u a sense which u can think,
all it might be too late because when u r caught in the web,
things ll be worse and u get yourself in a huge mess.

ps: if u relate to this, dun worry, every mistake made will make u a better person, as long as u know det u can be forgiven, because thats y u learn from ur mistakes...
(time ll heal....:) thank you ( u know who u r )- for making me open my eyes, being cruel to be kind but it is what i need and i ll live through it....thanks...:)

travelling in the states

2007-01-01T21:06:00.000+08:00

Traveling in the states

I finally waited till this day; our tour officially kicks off today. After having a wonderful Christmas spent with patricia and bill whom have invited us to have Christmas dinner with em. We are finally on our way back to NY city, as we were driven past Rehoboth city to ocean city Maryland, we were to board our bus dere. Passing by the ocean one last time, I can’t help feeling rather sad having had to leave this peaceful quiet town.

On the other hand, I m so excited having to meet my mom that very nite. Its been 3 months and mummy is flying up here to NY JFK to meet me in Newark Sheraton hotel. As we made our way down this long bus ride, it has been so much excitements that I cant keep still in my seat. Meanwhile we booked ourselves on this 7 days 6 nites tour around the state. We will be visiting the main cities namely Washington, Boston, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Delaware, New york, Connecticut, Buffallo and etc.

The summary of the tour is as below:

07 Days / 06 Nights New York / Philadelphia / Washington /Niagara Falls / Boston

DEC 27 HONG KONG / NEW YORK CX 88 / ETA 1955 HRS
Wednesday Upon arrive New Yrok Kennedy Airport, representative will meet & greet at the
luggage claim area. Transfer to hotel for check in. Rest of day is free at leisure.
Hotel : Sheraton Newark or similar class

DEC 28 NEW YORK CITY TOUR - PHILADELPHIA (Guided SIC Tour)
Thursday Representative will meet you at the hotel lobby in the morning and then transfer to bus parking area to start the tour. Today starts with New York City tour include -
China Town, Wall Street, Ground Zero, Intrepid Museum, Circle Line Cruise, United
Nations, Times Square, Rockefeller Center, Fifth Avenue, Empire State Building,
Departs to Philadelphia after tour.
Hotel: Hyatt Regency Penn’s Landing Philadelphia or similar

DEC 29 PHILADELPHIA – WASHINGTON DC (Guided SIC Tour)
Friday A short morning tour of Philadelphia Independence Hall, Liberty Bell and United
States Mint. Transfer to Washington, upon arrival, city tour including Lincoln
Memorial, Vietnam Memorial, Jefferson Memorial, Natural History Museum, Capitol
Hill and White House.
Hotel: Marriott Hunt Valley or similar

DEC 30 WASHINGTON DC – NIAGARA FALLS (Guided SIC Tour)
Saturday Morning departs Washington for Harrisburg, visiting "Hershey's" Chocolate World,
Corning Glass Center. Afternoon heading to Niagara Falls for night view of the falls. Hotel: Adam’s Mark or similar

DEC 31 NIAGARA FALLS – BOSTON (Guided SIC Tour)
Sunday Morning Niagara Falls tours - observe the Canadian Horseshoe Falls (us side),
American Falls, Goat Island, Bridal Veil Falls, " Mid of the Mist " boat ride. In the
afternoon we will leave Niagara Falls to Boston.
Hotel: Hyatt Regency Cambridge or similar

JAN 01 BOSTON – NEW YORK (Guided SIC Tour)
Monday Morning visit Harvard University, MIT, Charles River, Quincy Market. Afternoon
transfer back to New York. Please inform the tour leader or the driver to drop off at the Chinatown and passenger Clients to make own way to hotel for check in.
Hotel: Comfort Inn Manhattan CFM# 29915803

JAN 02 NEW YORK - HONG KONG CX 889 / ETD 2140 HRS
Tuesday Clients to self check out by 11:00 hrs
Client to make own departure transfer to JFK airport
FLIGHT CX 889 / ETA 2140 hrs

We went on to HK for 2 more days spending it in Disneyland since we couldn’t make it to the west side of states. I had the most glorious time. I really thank god for this amazing trip and really am looking forward to more travels with my lovely mom. I am really a mummy’s gal I guess…but u know what I am absolutely proud of it as its really not easy having to establish such great relationship with our mothers and all.

At the end of the day, do cherish ur love ones especially ur parents, they really r the best that ever would have happen to each n everyone of us.. :)

christmas is coming..

2006-12-10T20:46:00.000+08:00

Two more weeks, and I m done…hip hip hooray! I cant believe that I finally make it to this far, and yet I feel so sad and so happy at the same time because I will be going back and having to enjoy the life that I m used to instead of suffering here in the blistering cold, the thousand and one chores to do a day, cycling in the damn cold bloody wind, etc…

However, I will be missing so many things here as well…the friends I ve made, the beautiful scenery, my beach house, shopping sprees, the lovely dogs, the $$$...lol…sounds like I ll be missing here more than ever…meanwhile…I am so excited, I will be seeing my mom soon. Cool rite. She’s coming to join me in New York and we are going to travel the states. We ll be spending 7 days around in Washington, Philadelphia,boston, new york..etc..and den to Hong Kong and back to Malaysia. It sounds like we are traveling half the world, lol…meanwhile the coffee house is getting busier by the day as Christmas is coming.

To update a lil, last week I went to Lewes to see the parade for Christmas that they usually have in here.It is a traditional thing, and the place that oby brought us too was really incredible, it looks like what u see in a movie, in fact a recent movie by Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica parker was shot dere in that location, we even went to the cottage and church which they used it as the wedding scene. CSI was also shot in this town for one episode, how cool is it… meanwhile we witness the parade in freezing cold, there were cadillacs, cars u see in archie comics, it really exist, then we went bk to oby’s beach front house to celebrate the twins bday with 2 special guest, George and Savando.

They are these gay couples that are ridiculously successful, they own like the top hair saloon in the city here and damn are they humble. They have done sarah Jessica parker’s hair btw when she was dere and god knows how many more celebrities which comes here so often especially in the summer. Meanwhile we went to ocean city Maryland to see the festivals of light. Oby took us to a Japanese buffet, the food was so darn good. Price was better, at $40 per person, yet they have lobsters as big as my whole hand. So I guess its still damn good deal…

We went shopping afterwards. These last few days have been glorious. We had customer giving us tips of $25 just for making coffee for them, Christmas really makes ppl give. And being the receiving ones really feel so good, which means I will definitely not forget pressies I ll be getting for my friends back in m’sia too. Oh I hate to brag, but I just realize that I make a lot for last 2 weeks. And I had never really make that much $$$ for as long as I can remember, and I just feel so good, damn it…I will make sure I get that latest coach bag for mom…see I told u I love u…since u r coming and that I will be having u to pay for more of my shopping den lol…J
But i really need to stop myself from spending so much, gosh u know i brought 10 pairs of shoes, i m dead serious. I just realized it yesterday nite when i almost tripped over the amount of shoe boxes i pile next to my bed.I t probably last me th whole enitre 2-3 years. I still cant believe i actually brought that many pairs.

Seriously the whole entire experience makes me value a lot of things, see things in a much more diff light, and grow up from wherever I was before. I m going to go back soon and the past 3 months I feel that I have grown so much. Working in the states and being part of the town here, seeing my regulars every morning from the state judge, to navy captains, Nasa astronauts, mayors governors, garbage collectors, McDonald owners.

In conclusion, they are just people and they have the greatest attitude ever, the way they respect each other, they don’t rank themselves in status and yet they treat everyone just the same. You don’t see any air or graces; it is a democratic way that they adopt. Of course not everything bout them is great, they still have lots of flaws but to compare asian culture and the Americans….we have still a lot to pick up from, well…at the end of the day, we know now why the American dominates, because the true American which I have the opportunity to know, really shows me the greatest in the personality and humbleness they carry. In which I really truly aspires to be someday……..(i m still extremely proud to be a m'sian...:) )

Thanksgiving week...

2006-11-16T04:08:00.000+08:00

Finally, I get an off day at last. I have not been updating myself with loads of thing recently, especially in replying emails etc. Gosh, if u only knew how difficult it is for me to get access to the internet here. Thank gosh work is filling my time hence, I don’t have to suffer the consequence of being cut off the rest of the world having to not receive any phone calls, emails until days or even weeks. The only person that I probably get to call is my mom and then again, that’s like what….once in a fortnight, meanwhile its not that I don’t wanna apply for a phone line, I figure there’s no point, cuz I am going to be here for only a short period, besides not that I have that many people to call and what’s more its not cheap to pay for the fees. Nevertheless, I ll resort to this for another 7 weeks or so, and then its back to M’sia…:P

Its winter now, days are getting shorter and nights longer, the sun rises at 630am here and sets by 530pm, sad rite.Meanwhile my time here is getting shorter and shorter, Thanksgiving is just next week, and my big shot boss of cuz is scheming on making the most out of it, with throngs of people coming down here for the last minute shopping thing, I guess its now or never to move in for the final kill to make the $$$. There’s like so many different cookies, tins, check this out snowball filled pretzels , seriously with ice and all that we ordered, and I ve been busy labeling all these things, packing chocolate balls and stuffing myself with them…lol what to do I cant resist it man, and of all things working with chocolates ….really it’s a lil of a dream job rite now…:)

Then of course, there’s the more important stuff, the COFFEE, u know we have more than 50 flavours of coffee, from chocolate raspberry, pumpkin pie spice, coconut kiss, hawaian hazelnut,…..u name it all. I am bagging the coffees like crazy and brewing it like hell everyday, cuz I just realized that the ppl here are seriously addicts and boy the bags just disappear once on the shelves. I smell so coffee these days, no wonder I have so many ppl staring at me one kind whenever I am out, maybe my coffee fragrance is just too irresistible, yucks….well as long as the cuties is the ones that I am attracting, who cares , hmm….

Meanwhile work is interesting as usual, OBY Coffee house is undergoing a major transformation, they brought in samsung brands of computerized cash register,whole entire place is now equipped with all these cameras, basically, oby wants to make his place an upstream market, well who blames him when his regulars are ppl like Kelly ( the biatch) but also a bloody known gazillionaire, check this out….she owns 17 McDonalds in the states, what the fk….and yet she’s so stingy on tips, complains bout how expensive our coffees are, gosh I just don’t understand, woman, u probably have enough cash to buy the like 20 coffee house, whats with the $3.95 a cup thingy…then again, there’s still the nicer ppl which I love making coffee for, I get like $5 tips sometimes just for making a shot of espresso. But its just a rare occasion lol…

Actually, working as a waitress in here enables u to earn a lot especially if u r working in a high end restaurant. The basic is rather little, because u expect to get it from ur tips. But since I am a barista, I get a standard pay which is 3 times more than a waitress, but my tips are very little and it depends on the customers whether they want to give me or not as they are not compel too.

But it probably comes out the same, cuz when business is slow especially now, the poor waitress wont get anything then, on the other hand, I still get my steady income regardless slow or not slow, but of course my boss works me like hell. But its still alright I guess ( mind me I love to exaggerate a lil too much sometimes hehe). Last Thursday, I went for the biggest shopping spree of my life, gosh I am high maintenance, and now I better work harder to keep my habits, shit man…I prolly bought everything on Sale at Guess, Coach, Polo, and tommy. And I am still waiting to hit Abercrombie, Gap, CK, etc…but really I cannot be blamed, the price was like one third u pay in M’sia , its incredible, the same thing, but the cost, so much more cheaper. I have to really stop myself man, u should have seen how mad a shopper I am.

oh I went to a highschool football game..Check this out, I saw it live, no joke, it was Sussex tech vs polytech college last season game. You have no idea how cute footballers are, and when they tackle each other they fall like a pile of cuties waiting to be picked up…man my imagination is running wild.

As usual, we were the only Asians there, so of cuz I get my fair share of attention at the stadium ( not very huge one though), apparently there were larger stadiums around. This is so cool right, a high school completes with a stadium just for their own football games, oh did I tell you that they have an entire garage fill with cars, spare parts, etc, because they happen to have subjects such as automobile tech or something, its equivalent to our KH subjects in M’sia school, cept that we study the engines and memorize like hell whereas they get a real live car, and they get to modify it and build their own engines whatever they want for their project, how rich can a school get?????

OH btw the cars are not just ordinary cars, u know chevys, mustangs, Hondas…crap man….well what to do, this is like the best tech school in the whole state and Ariane, my coworker is just so bloody lucky to get to study dere, oh rite she’s 16 and she owns a horse too, cuz her extracurricular activities at school is horseback riding, so u kinda need to buy a horse to enroll into it…sigh….at 22, I don’t even own a car yet….and she owns a horse, it’s name is Sadie and it cost usd 2000 for it, and u maintain it at $300 a month which there’s Amish ppl to take care for u. And if I work here for 3 months, I know I can buy that horse too, so, u see u can drive ur Porsche, but I have a HORSE….i ll ride it around, save petrol, and it keeps me warm, and I still get all the attention LOL….what bull shit…

I think I have updated most of the stuff, neways, hope I’ll update more on Black Friday event next week….bet u dunno what is it, ll tell more stories then…till then.thats all for now…(gosh I write and talk too much..:) )

hey dere

2006-10-31T03:19:00.000+08:00

Hey dere,

How have u guys been? Meanwhile Happy Halloween! Last Friday, I held a party at my hse , cuz it was sort of a welcome party for me and my friend Florence in here. Our American friends which we made here wanted to throw it for us, so of cuz we can’t say NO rite. Lol Meanwhile, these ppl are seriously cool, they decorated the whole entire hse, and gosh it was really really nice, u should have seen the spiders and webs and god knows wat they put in here. Honestly if u guys were here as well, definitely the party will be even better cuz u know rite how much I miss u all…awww….:) I m serious k…
Meanwhile this was my first time having an all American party, like I told u, we r like the only Asians here, so u knowlar not to say we dun wanna invite Asians but dere r like no Asians to invite, so its more of an all white party. So, how did it went???

Honestly, u wont wanna know….but all I can say is det in life u must at least get urself invited to an American party, and then u ll seriously know how much fun u missed….lol
Dun worry, the police din turn up, even if they did, my American counterparts here are too smart for them to do anything. But on a more serious note, I think this would be the one and last party I’ ll ever host for a long time becuz I dun think my heart can take anymore of this kind of shit all in one night. Heck it was still fun, so no regretslar..:)

Meanwhile, I m starting to really get use to life here, then again, I m also worried, I hope I dun start becoming so attach to this place n den next thing I know I come back all American wannabe, and start speaking like some bloody angmoh…but den look so m’sian , u knowlar how we use to complain bout our “friends” which comes back from Australia, states, UK etc with an accent and trying to be cool all that crap.
But I can now tell u the logic out of it. Did u know that most of us are not pronouncing our “Rss” properly. We can understand each other back where we r, but in here noone can understand what we say when we speak words with Rrrs…And that’s why in order to let them understand us better, we speak like em, and imagine me having to take their orders down, so if by any chance I really come back and start speaking like wat I just told u…dun blame me k....okay, lets move on more interesting things…hmmm I m being kau by an American hahahaha….btw he’s pretty cute….oh and also by a russian.....lol…damn man, I m such a biatch….i cant help it…..so u see….not that I m so proud or anything….den again….i dun feel so homesick anymore…so….what else??/

I knowlar…u wanna know more of wat is going on rite...:P but reallylar…I m too mature
for all of em…so seriously…I think nothing ll probably happen, I m still going back to finish up my degree no matter wat man, wasted so much of everything in it. Hmm,…or..should I just go get a “MRS” degree…LOL….tempting..really..what to do, rich country like this,seriously standards of living really big difference. But home is still homelar I guess, nothing beats home….den again…..HOW ARR??? Lol….did I tell u det the American’s dad owns a big construction company ,gosh I m seriously in deep shit now..jokinglar :P
Luv, lynn

Halloween Party..:)

2006-10-25T02:06:00.000+08:00

A month has gone pass already, and this coming week Seawitch festival is just around the corner, which means we are going to have again a hell of a week with nonstop lines of customers. Meanwhile, a lot of interesting things happen over the week. Firstly, I get to carve my first pumpkin, it was like being a little kid again, but damn it was so much fun doing so. We had the jack o lantern up just like how we always see white kids do on TV.Back in Msia, I think none of us actually ever does stuff like det, not to mention the trick or treat thing. Oby gotten us the pumpkin, and he took it all the way from the pumpkin patch which is the place where pumpkins are grown.

The work thing is going on fine, I am like a super expert in espressos, but my poor hands have been scalded so many times by the fking machine I think it gotten used to it. Meanwhile my cappuccino, kahlua and cream latte is my best drinks which I perfected making it. This French customer, damn well mannered and refine guy actually told me that I make him the best cappuccino so far he has been in the states, and he actually said det I match the standard of what he gets back in France. Man I am so honoured. Maybe I was actually born to make coffee, lol and the most ironic part is det I don’t even drink coffee....(surprising rite)

This coming week is the celebration of Halloween, and this Friday, I am throwing a party at my hse, all rather WE are throwing a party at the house. Heather was the one with the idea, meanwhile I guess she had invited almost everyone she knows, so I guess we are gonna be having this wild party cuz this will be the first one which I am going to be in with a roomful of whites and Russians. Damn, sure hope nothing gets out of hand. However, everyone is told to bring their own beer, so I guess it will be whole load of fun provided noone starts getting too drunk and god knows wat will happen. Nevertheless, I am anticipating it, cuz I do wanna see how ppl can get that rowdy when they r drunk, of cuz I will make sure I get out of the way, or safest bet I will just stick to Volva…lol…

I invited him, and he was more than eager to come, but the only reason I did other than the fact that he’s really gd looking (haha, very funny rite) cuz not of that reasonlar…its cuz I just want him to bring the liquor and purchase for me as well cuz u know rite he works at the liquor store, which means he buys any liquor with a 20% discount (not to say that its that expensive cuz its already like super duper cheap here). I know, I sux, damn bad wei…use ppl like det, but den again a party still a party and the more the merrier. Meanwhile at least I know I ve some decent ppl to hangout with just in case that crazy American gal and her friends gets out of the line.

It’s a Halloween party, so everyone must come in a costume, and heather decided she’s gonna be a witch, and Aida a gypsy which I think suits her well, and me lol :) I am gonna be a bloodsucker haha, hmm…I haven’t thought of it yet. I think I will come out with something by Friday. Worse to worse I become a mummy wrap myself in toilet paper lol..

I went out with Aida and Heather to FRiendlys for ice cream on tues, and we met another group of angmohs again. These ppl damn uselesslar, they were all high as hell, after their joint, and then the worst part is they were driving and racing around the highway. Luckily there were no accident but thank god the police here are pretty efficient and they round em out in no time. They deserve itlar, drinking and driving is already bad enuff, not to mention smoking pot, drinking and driving at the same time.

The place I am in is actually an almost zero crime rate area , only thing is the people idea of a party just always seems to end up with nothing other than drugs. But who’s to blame when they get it so easily here, do u know det when Florence was ill, I had to buy medicine for her, and I was able to buy NYQUIL over the counter without any prescription just like det. In case u dunno wat’s det, it’s the flu mixture which makes u damn high when used in excessive in fact it taste damn good too.And yes, the effects is like weed, in fact it is way better, it numbs u out and when I ve a bad day at work, honestly it is dangerously attractive.

Meanwhile I set some strict rules and I m making sure everyone abides to it, cuz I dun wanna have any police up my doorstep and if Oby finds out he will freak the hell out. So those under 21 if they wanna drink be smart and just run if anything goes wrong, otherwise just borrow a fake ID or whatever. DRUGs not in the house, if I find it dere, OUT u go.. u can do it like anywhere else but not in my hse. Cuz if anything goes wrong I could be in serious trouble. There’s like a woods with a lake in the neighbourhood which I live in, so most ppl goes dere to make out, etc. Well u r most welcome to do ur stuff dere. BUT NOT IN THE HSE!!!! Volva promised that he ll help me make sure all his Russians buddies get the message, and den again nobody will be det stupid to place themselves in such a dangerous situation cuz to come here is already hard enuff not to mention obtaining working visas, last thing we wanna do is ruin our reputation..

Just det I am still worried bout heather and her American friends, u know I ve already prepared myself for the American culture, yet, I still find it difficult at times when I see them get so bloody wild. I can take it, or rather at some point I just cant, maybe dets why I was born a Chinese and I am really proud of being one. At least I still have my sense of rationality no matter how high I become, and the most important thing not let anyone get the better of me. So like I say, I invited volva, so he could kinda take care of me, hahaha…(u know I wish u were here) ….

Anyways, m looking forward to Halloween, and den thanksgiving will be up next, for now I gtg get ready for work. The weather this week is freezing again, so damn bloody cold. I miss Msia, really do, then again I prolly ve loose ends dere which makes me wonder about a lot.

Greetings from delaware....

2006-10-20T00:05:00.000+08:00

Its been a month since I left home to embark on this journey. Time flew past me, the last 2 weeks has been a seriously life changing time for me. I had to settle in to a foreign land, having finalized my job, housing, rent etc. Getting myself used to my job and actually fitting in to the city of Rehoboth avenue. Finally, I am getting use to the whole deal now.
It was rather difficult when Florence my companion in this trip fell sick. I was worried like hell for her and then again I had to work her shifts as well.

Meanwhile my job is going on fine, in fact, I had received my first pay check, seriously I feel so proud of myself cuz I cant believe that I just manage to earn my first paycheck in USD, and man although the work is hell a tough job, but $$ is always the motivating factor I guess lol…oh btw I have went to open a bank account last week. I did it with Wycovia bank, a really big bank corp apparently. Hence, at least I get to save a little of what I earn before I spend it all off lol..:)
Truthfully, I am getting a lil homesick, but I refused to call home because I don’t want to feel even worse after that, I miss my family, mom and bro especially, my friends, especially the food in M’sia. However, I should not complain too much cuz working in Oby’s coffee house, I am already privilege enough to be able to eat anything I want and the best part is his food and his coffee (espresso con pama) is the best in the whole state of Delaware. People pay like RM20 for just a plain croissant, damn either they are stupid or plain rich. Then again in the town of Rehoboth city, you seriously don’t seem to see any poor people other than exchange students like myself…..which means I am consider the poor ranking citizens, goodlah…good reason for this ppl to give me more of their cash hehehe…

The place which I am staying in this neighborhood. It is one of the high end places and really I ve nothing to complain about. I probably will never get a chance to stay in such a big hse on my own. The house has a complete basement, attic just exactly like an American dream hse .My neighbours are snobbish like hell. Yet, thanks to my super filthy rich employer whom probably owns like a stretch of houses. By the way, I have not properly introduced my boss yet. He’s the all American guy, with a super gorgeous wife to die for, gosh I swear, she looks like Jennifer Anniston, exact blonde version and has that pair of super cute twin boys and a beautiful daughter clone version of the wife. Luckily he is a nice guy, he had been really nice to me and Florence, except when he’s in his mood, and seriously gets on your nerves when he gets u to do things for himFor now, my job scope is managing the whole entire coffee house; I am a barista cum manager cum sandwich maker, cum toilet cleaner, etc. Gosh can u believe it??? I actually can do all these stuff. I even ground the coffee, and yes we roast our coffee ourselves. There are like all types of beans from everywhere. I even learn to make waffles, like seriously make the paste to produce them .Apart from baking the stuff which is handled by the baker, cuz they have to protect the secret recipes in it. Other than that, every damn thing, from Brie plate, to smoothies, lattes, espressos, brewing coffees, grinding beans, bagging coffee u name it.

Meanwhile, a lot happen last 2 weeks. Firstly, my boss took us down to Dover city largest hotel cum casino to participate in the food fair exhibition .Apparently; all the owners of the largest restaurants around the area were there to try out the latest things for food in making. Needless to say, we were practically attending a buffet party, we get to try all sorts of food from the latest flavours of Haagen Daaz, to Sara’s lee latest cake versions,man it was a huge gourmet thing. All types of salmons, veals, scallops, wines, foie gras, etc. I ate so much I wanted to puke. It was really a fantastic show; I met the owners of Outback steakhouse, those posh Italian restaurants, and all those leading ppl in the food industry. It was an eye opening experience, too bad I can’t take pictures of it cuz the security was rather tight .Then again, all the big guys are in town, what would you expect.

Then Oby, took us again to another restaurant for supper, as though we had not ate enough, luckily I m working so I can burn all these guilty calories. This time it was some Japanese restaurant. And one of the most famous jap dining place in the Lewes town. Meanwhile, I guess I m pretty lucky to have the chance to attend a food show such as this. Afterall it’s only by VIP invitation, and I, (a nobody) actually have the invitation to get in.: P Oh did I tell u, I met a few Russian exchange students here, and yes they are all guys. Really cute ones too, like seriously good looking, and one of them who happen to be working at the liquor store. A seriously heavenly place to go too in America, especially when u see the price, RM 20 for a dozen of bud light weiser, in bottle form..i swear…drinking water is even more expensive. Meanwhile, this guy Vulva (what a name rite?) he comes visits me everyday when he walks past the store to his workplace. It’s great to have a friend to see u a day; at least I get to talk to someone my age.

Then again he’s Russian, so when we speak, it’s like a dog vs cat kinda language. But funnily we understand each other, (hey dun worry lar, I m not into Russians, seriously although they r cute etc. yet dun seemed to appeal to me, then again I guess I never know…)

You know, I just realized how many things that I do not know before, and now I finally open my eyes, I feel so dumb knowing that before I came for this trip, I feel like a frog in the well, whatever it is, it’s never too late to learn, and most importantly I am learning it now. By the way, my cooking skills had improved tremendously. Meanwhile I guess I ve pretty much updated my days here. I am planning to get a 2nd job, had applied in a few nice places. Hopefully I get it, and then I can earn even more, and then shop like hell in New york….

I miss that city, can’t wait to go back dere, which I will after this whole job stint. Oh I gotten myself a Coach bag, and I m heading to Polo, tommy and the rest of the outlets later next week, before the Halloween festival, and my 2nd paycheck on the way….gosh, if u see the prices and the goods u get here, for it…one word…SHOPPING PARADise.. ..:)

The whole new american lifestyle..

2006-09-29T22:56:00.000+08:00

I am trying to get used to my new life here. Its getting on fine except that i suddenly feel the lost of comfort....lol...hmmm, lets see i am such a spoilt brat back in M'sia, i had no house chores, no laundry etc. You know the typical city gal det kinda ve evrything done for her because she's either plain lucky or rather one word"spoilt" hehehe...sheesh i m having fun criticizing myself...but seriously now everything is on my own, from laundry to cooking to watever det needs to be done which was taken care of by my maid and all det, i m suddenly appreciating maids very very much.

Meanwhile, apart from the cooking which is something i am not complaining about cuz i love cooking, bakiing wateverlar cuz i m just so in love with food, other than that i do admit i missed home a lil, i miss my car. In here, i get around on foot or by bicycle, which is good cuz seriously i was afraid that i might come back being FAT, but now i dun need to worry bout this issue cuz with the amount of cycling i m doing from my neighbourhood to my workplace, and to every other part of this beautiful town, i guess i could actually come back looking really fit.

Yesterday was a record day , i worked through 12 hours in the roastery. It was only my second training day, and yet, my co worker which was supposed to mentor and teach me was fired because once again she came out with some stupid excuse that gotten my employer to be rather fed up of her lies which she has done pretty much the last few weeks.Hence, with me barely knowing things around, i had to man the whole entire place for 2 hours before oby came in with extra help.Thank GOD we managed to go through the whole day, and customers were pouring in like hell, damnit n i was just getting started hehehe...anyhow my coffee making skills were superb, i did like 10 shots of espresson in one go, i ve to say that i m quite proud of the fact det i manage to do so. Americans are also really patient people, although some italian and french ppl can be really irritating at times, cuz they know so much bout coffees they dictate u to make the espresso specifically and make u redo again and again until they r satisfied.(phew, lucky i din meet em yet).

I am learning so much bout coffee although i dun drink em but seriously its really so much fun to learn too, from shots, to lattes, the list is really endearing but fulfilling too. One thing i cant deny, people in US give tips generously, gosh u know although the work is nothing to shout about, in fact it is rather difficult too if u aint prepare for it.However, at the end of the day when u get tips like det and u can go over to places like Marshalls (branded warehse store) and get a pair of branded glasses just from ur tips. Man i m lovin the american wages and its spending power in a dollar.Hell u work like shit in M'sia and yet u prolly cant even manage to pay up ur expenses not to mention luxury items to pamper urself. Anyways, i m really motivated now, hehe its funny cuz i m educated to such an extend and i end up working as a barista but earning so much more in terms of det. Living in such a cool hse, and once again i m just a waitress (ironic isnt it??)
gtg for now, work starts soon...:P

NYC

2006-09-27T10:03:00.000+08:00

Finally, i am here ....i m feeling so good, i think i never felt this peaceful before. The last 9 months of hell is over. Its been really hectic, and now i ve officially passed all my papers and need not worry of anything more which had me stressed up to the core.(Thank god...and seriously i am still at shock that i manage to get through all my papers....this is seriously a miracle...lol...)
Anyways, where shall i sum up the last week....in one word, it was amazing.I met up with many good buddies who took time off to see me (which i appreciate a lot), especially to the few of u,the ones who took me camera shopping, came and help me packed and gave me tons of advice what to do lol...its not like i ve not travel before (in fact this is my 2nd time to the states eversince the last trip i took when i was 12). However, its still good to feel loved and missed by many...(hehe damn i m perasan).
I luv my family too who took me out and had a scrumptious meal before i left especially my big bro,seriously i owe him a lot to my stinct here. Meanwhile, i had to go through a damn long travelling journey from thurs onwards. Having transit in both HK and canada and finally to JFK NYC. My travelling companion (Florence) and I had an amazing race adventure in NYV the next 2 days. In order to make our way to the state of delaware, up north west of NY, we explore the famous subway (which is one of the most confusing subways i ever been). We were subjected to lose ourselves in the massive crowd, very complicated entrances and signboards. Nevertheless, stepping into places like time square, fifth avenue and so on really makes me feel like i just step into the movies. The skycrapers that surrounds u ,overlooking the statue of liberty, the awe of being part of a new yorker lifestyle just gets u going.

We managed to get hold of tickets and make our way up to rehoboth beach on sat. This part of delaware houses the upper middle class residents. Its an holiday beach resort. We arrived at Ocean City,Maryland just in time for the famous sunfest.Hence, we happened to catch the carnival which was going on dere and along with it some very famous bands in the 70s playing gigs dere. We met oby dere, and he's really a dynamic person. He took us to his friend's italian restaurant. Apparently this guy is one of the richest person in the state of delaware. He owns almost all the italian chain of restaurants and half of the properties around, and as we were bout to get off to his place,we spotted his latest collection of cars, none other than the latest model from jaguar,price half a million USD.(who the hell spend det much on a car?? damn stupid leh..)

We were den brought to the neighbourhood which we were be staying for 2 and a half months. I am impressed, my hse is so big, i ve to admit i do feel kinda scare living in it with just florence. Somehow, i ve been rather use to living in an apartment. I guess i need to start to adjust myself to adapt myself into this neighbourhood. (seriously, i cant help wondering whether this is the neighbourhood that they used to shoot the background from scenesof dsperate hsewives) its just so familiar, the settings, the people everything.

Anyhow, i ve finally settle in and officially started my first day training today, sure hope everything goes well and for now, i m gonna let it on and enjoy myself..:)

divine intervention

2006-09-19T06:52:00.000+08:00

its time when u face pressure ,
u wish u were bright,
u feel insecure,
but u know whats wrong but just dont know why ?
what should u do den?
what is consider right?

u realized that there's really nothing more than,
a tiny obstacle in your life, and you should just stay focus,
and move on and be who you are which u feel alright.

some things are meant to be,
and u dun really need to force it neither do u apprehend it.
just go with the flow,and if it happens hence, be happy and enjoy
this journey in your life.

and if it doesn't,
stop being harsh neither critical,
just take it on and look on the positive side,
u had the chance but its just a destiny that aint yours
to go about.

what's dere to worry,when its all in the hands of fate??
u lose some u gain some,
u cant ve everything,neither can u be having nothing..
its just a matter of seeing things in an open light,
being really uptight is not going to help...
act moderately and seek a better account..

stop comparing yourself, and start using the time for
more meaningful things,,
cherish ur life and ve a better time in doing so
and its the best u probably can do for your own
well being..

finally go seek for help if u had too,
cuz u aint alone and u know its not only YOU!!
when u finally accept the fact and be proud of who u really are,
u will have had what this life could offer, not power,
neither wealth,
but greater happiness because u had the best when u r in good health...:)

7 days to go...

2006-09-15T00:43:00.000+08:00

can it be anymore depressing??

2006-09-09T09:00:00.000+08:00

Can it be anymore depressing???

m having finals now, on top of det ve to deal wif the renovations(contractors are ignorant...period), the bloody paperworks of all sorts for internship. Thank God det the visa got through, who says travelling is easy??? Its the most nerve wrecking thing, spend last 2 days fretting about procedures,juggling emotions with various people but the one that got me boiled up is having to deal wif travel agents..again another pointless event where u get lousy ppl whom give u info on all the wrong things and make u panic yet again after wanting u to apply another visa (as though as one is not enuff) and den telling u that its either det or u ll get stranded on board...BOy!!!(which is not true by the way, but what's the point of arguing when they just don't listen???) seriously woke up this morning with a heavy heart, genetics paper just 5 hours away, and my mind is filled with so many issues...GOD save me...

note to self....take it easy..phew..

a past or a begining?

2006-09-03T23:40:00.000+08:00

its really odd that things should be forgotten,
he's not into you....
get out or get hurt!!
yet... why does it seems that there's this urging that tells u,
its not what it seems,
its not even what it means.
give it a lil more time,
and maybe you will reap the benefit out of the waiting.
or...
maybe you can fall even flatter and ve ur heart broken into pieces.
its like you are cursed,
you hang on and try to let it go,
you tell yourself nothing will get into your way.
Because the last thing you ever wanna do is to get caught up in shit,
why do ppl like to play so many games??
u asked yourself truthfully,
are you just hallucinating?
is it just a mere frustration of not getting what you want,
or is it real?

it gets so weird, you feel so much fear,
you really dont know what to do,
are you r really bounded to this or is it just another big mistake,
you really truely don;'t want to fall,
you really hope det some miracle will get u to wake up,
sometimes u recollect so much,
and yet u never get a conclusion...

u wish that u had an answer,
but u know its not ur call and u pray
that if the Almighty above loves you,
pls give you a msg or an indication
to not let u dwell in so much misery,
u really dont deserve.
u need to stop painting false pics,
need to concentrate and get away,
need to learn to talk urself some sense and face reality.

sounds easy??gosh....and this is what they call love.....

pressure dawns...

2006-09-01T23:59:00.000+08:00

leaving....is it a begining?
or is it a soul searching of what is to becoming.
Dreaming...is it all reasons,
of never getting the achievements?
or never being true and realistic,
to the fact that all are but underlying consequences.

Loving...is it to becoming,
or merely thinking of having but gaining nothing?
seething....is it to take out the uneven lining,
or having a somewhat blame to secure,
the fear and troubles of this being.

Finally thinking...is it all worthless thoughts,
which are nothing but deceiving?
and playing a role in getting nothing but... feelings.
Am leaving, am not needing,
am afraid to become what was truly the actual being.

The idea, of conceiving a web that seeks a yearning,
but never make a cut,because it is afraid to step out.
As it will create a cascade of fears,
a drop in between the tears,
most likely incurring all the devils of the ears.

What is the ending,
of the begining..
or has it just started?
or merely left to follow or rather ,
it had not, to begin with???

a leash of desires...

2006-08-25T20:59:00.000+08:00

timely consequence,
unable to move, sorrowful laughter,
indecisive reasons,
unable to comprehend,
why these reasons?

non-existence,
impulsive yearns,
reasons of devastation,
flowing within, going beyond.

seeking the unforseen,
unable to return,
doubtful wishes,anxious anticipation.
to fall is to climb,
to think is to fall.

thoughts of desicions,
nothing more nothing less.
live like never been lived,
flow like a constant stream.

leaving is another dream,
learning is another scene.
three images in one,
two desires to hard.

what is the conclusion,
what is the answer,flowing around the horizons,
or choosing between the valley?

what doubt? what concussion,
somtimes all this are but just repercussions..
torn in between,
the bad n the good.
unforseen action,
unknown circumstances....

a bliss in a midst..

2006-08-14T00:50:00.000+08:00

Its been such a long time since i last make a proper entry, i figure det i really am not so discipline like some bloggers i know whom seemed to update their blogs regularly...anyhow...if i were to write on my everyday accounts of events, gosh trust me blogging itself will be a job instead. Meanwhile my finals are just 2 weeks away, and guess wat i m done with second yr, time truly truly flies, its been like weeks after weeks of crazy intense work,classes,dance,entertainjment etc and yet i feel det i have done things which i cant recall and it feels like its just a week ago n yet it has been like 2 months.My crazy schedule is making me lose track of time itself.

Visited mun's hometown,club and finally gotten very drunk big time ( not det i m proud of it) surprisingly i m very rational even in a drunken state no joke ( see i dun go embarass myself, which is a good thing) ,at least i know how much i can actually consumed ( gosh i can really drink if i want too...scary, it runs in the family i guess) and the saying of practice makes perfect is really true.....for ur info, i dun like drinking, i do so occasionally just for the entertainment of it and not wanting to be a spoilsport. However, i dun deny bout the dance part, i simply enjoy dancing and i rather hit the dance floor den sit around the drinking arena. Anyhow,eversince det nite wif mun n johnson, i ve officially not step into any clubs at all....really i just realized det i can live without it, not to mention det come to think of it da only reason i go clubbing is either to ve a more appropriate place det i can dance n enjoy the idea of doing wat i want without ppl bothering me..(cuz u knowlar in dance classes, somewat ppl tend to be so sensitive and scrutinized ur every move and its just so routined det dancing is just not dancing).
Anyhow, i ve been entertaining my good buddy whom came back for a 3 months break before returning to the states next week, sigh...m gonna miss u babe...celebrated her bday last week at hard rock,went shopping around cuz the mega sales started...honestly i ve so many stuff i think i can forget bout shopping for the entire year...(still din stop me from getting my hands on the pair of timberland loafers lol) btw i m moving next door soon, officially next week i ve 2 apartments to call home too lol..:P its just side by side...anyhow..i cant believe det my room itself contains so much stuff, moving next door itself could prolly take like 2-3 days at least ,and once again its next door(how ironic) ...
Btw i m keeping a surprise to some of you, i think i ll not reveal so soon till i can confirm but no matter wat u ll know in a matter of time...lol curiosity kills rite hehehe...its nothing biggielar....but den again u prolly miss me...oops a vital clue....anyhow.......i gtg now...ll drop by to update again....btw happy bday camy...bbq rocks...wat better way to celebrate den with an aptment up on the mountains ,crates of liquor,live acoustic music cun babes n LC(leng chais)...ahh a 21st bday well celebrated.....:)

For a dear friend who is having it tough....

2006-07-23T03:14:00.000+08:00

At times, ppl really faces tough challenges especially when it comes to love. Lately, i know of some whom have been having it really bad, hence, i know its difficult when u wanna get out of something which u cant seemed to see the light but other could see it for u. Yet, sometimes words and actions will not help because in actual fact nothing works, the only thing that will is time and you. Based on this, it inspired me to write down this poem to u (u know who u r).I am afraid i dunno how to help anymore, because i am never gonna be able to make gold out of dust,hopefully u ll understand. And yes, i had it before, but i m through, i feel good..and dets why i know how u feel n how to help u see things through.......

Dear friend, I hope that you can feel much better after reading this poem which might hopefully allows u to search for ur answer...

In the time when you feel darkness,
surrounding u and suffocating u.
Even when the sun is shining brightly,
you will not feel its everlasting glow.

In the time when your anger, suppreses u,
when u just wanna burst within.
Even if there are angels showering you,
with all the love and care,
You will remain angry ,
and refuses to accept its presence.

what is wrong can be right,
But what is right is right.
Hence, you can make things wrong easily,
but making it right ,it takes centuries.

You feel torn and used within,
But don't you see that it is all a feeling,
a sense of the moment,a second of glory.
Look further and you will noticed,
that if u managed to shine and come out in between,
you will turn and become the best,
of what u truly deserves to be.

Words cannot expressed,
how much det u ve been hurt.
Take it easy ,
den for u could be all that u r worth.
You dun need to find excuses,
neither do u need to search.
All you have to do is let it off,
and time will healed.

The facts might me crude,
but the truth will remain the truth.
When you burn a paper,
the paper will turn to ashes,
ashes never turn back into paper,
and thats really an impossible thing to do.

My dear friend,i hope this poem
will get through to u,
i really truly do,i
f i did what u truly wants me to do,
then i ll be destroying you.
Because i cannot turn ashes to be paper,
this is something nobody can do.

But i know of how ashes will be flown away,
and in time you will manage to find back the paper.
Only thing is ,it will be brand new,
and fill with everthing that u desire.

it still has to start from you,
because you light the candle,
and u shall shine brightly as you always do,
because you are worth it,
and you just need to get a grip,
and let the candle shines thorugh!!! :)

Be sucessful...

2006-07-15T20:21:00.000+08:00

Have you ever heard the expression, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch?" Maybe an older, wiser individual would tell you this to keep you from getting ahead of yourself. Like buying a new car before you actually got that new job. Well, when setting and obtaining your goals, you need to "Count your chicken before they hatch" in your mind. What I mean by this is you have to start seeing yourself completing or obtaining your goal. What you profess, you possess!

The first thing you need to do is sit down and set your goals. Diana Scharf Hunt said "Goals are dreams with deadlines." A lot of times, people are thrown off by the idea of taking the time to set their goals. But when you take a trip, do you not come up with a plan and ultimate destination. Well, setting goals is the same process. I suggest that you first do a Must Have, Why, How analysis.
First, write down a list of must haves; bigger home, luxury trips, new cars, work from home, etc. Then decide why these must haves are important to you and prioritize them. Lastly, write down how you are going to get the must haves.

Also, ask yourself these questions:
What are the tools and resources do I need?
Why do I not have what I want now?
What past experiences are in the way?
Who can I talk to that has already succeeded?
How am I paying for this?
What are the tradeoffs?
What am I going to give up?

From this analysis, start writing down you goals. Remember, without a start, there cannot be an ending. Denis Watley stated "The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don't define them, or ever seriously consider them as believable or achievable. Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them."
Once finished writing your goals, next you need to start visualizing your dreams. Henry David Thoreau once said "If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours." You need image yourself accomplishing your goals and obtaining your treasures. Will yourself into succeeding. Never think that you cannot reach your desired results. Talk about the desires as if you have already obtained it. A good practice is to read your goals daily. If you are having a bad day, read them over and over.
Thirdly, you need to get the tools and resources to needed to accomplish your goals. Maybe you have decided to start a home-based business as a mechanism to consummate the acquiring of your dreams. Start gathering documentation on how to run your home-based business. Join service group that might help you. Take the step to start reaching your goals. Kathy Seligman said "You can't hit a home run unless you step up to the plate. You can't catch a fish unless you put your line in the water. You can't reach your goals if you don't try." Get started today!!
The fourth point is to surround yourself with like-minded people. In the Bible, Jesus told one of his disciples, "Get behind me Satan." What he was saying was if you are not with me, you are against me. The same applies to you. Detach yourself from people who are negative towards you goals. If you are going to be rich, why not surround yourself with people who are already rich. David Joseph Schwartz once said "Think little goals and expect little achievements. Think big goals and win big success."
Lastly, and most importantly, do not be afraid of success. This phobia is the main reason most people fail. They make no preparation for succeeding. When they succeed, they do not know how to act. People start questioning their success. They start telling themselves that they do not deserve to be successful. And eventually, obtain what they profess. When you are setting your goals, make a plan for being successful. Tell yourself that you deserve to be successful and that you should procure your desires. Catherine Pulsifer best sums this up, "The unfortunate aspect about living life without your own goals is that you may very well reach a point in your life where you will wonder, 'what would have happened if I had only done..." In closing, the first thing you need to do is start planning and setting your goals. Then you need start visualizing yourself completing your dreams. Also, you will need to get some tools and resources that will help you achieve you goals. And surrou nd yourself with people who are positive and have the same goals as you do. And most importantly, prepare yourself for success. When the time comes, don't be afraid to be successful. Think about this, in the Bible Jesus said, "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." You need to start seeing yourself as attaining your goals. Act and talk as if you already have obtained them. Now get started!

tranquility

2006-07-13T00:26:00.000+08:00

when thoughts are ajar,
when imagination is far,
what makes the mind in accordance,
is what makes the heart at par.

when the moment get the better of you,
when nothing revolves and nothing comes through.
seek within your soulful self,
you will find all you need and thats what that helps.

when troubles arises,keep firmly on your grounds,
stand around and look before you when you start.
when actions count and nothing leads you to go in between,
you will see the sun rises and you feel like a queen.

this brings about a vivid dream,
a fairytail of wonders,
a life peaceful and serene.
what makes the heart sees,what makes the eyes breath,
tranquility,the ore within!

redang trip..

2006-05-22T23:36:00.000+08:00

immediately after i came back from s'wak, upon resting for 2 days and its off again to redang island. We left on mother's day, i had dinner at the ship wif my family before they drop me off to board the bus with the whole bunch of my uni mates....all in all the experience was one word"unforgettable" ...

Having travelled pretty much since i was younger, i definitely experience all sorts of vacations, from camping types, to boarding a yatch,cruises,tours, performances etc lets just say i had it both sides, being with the groupies, the snobs and now the mates... anyhow i took this experience and the other experiences as well to learn the most out of everything, and the best thing i learned through travelling is the way one person can adapt and tune him/herself accordingly to fit the boarding deck. its all in the mind, and its all the head to have fun no matter wat circumstances...i have to say this, i m proud that i suceeded in doing so :)

Hence, what turn out to be a boring beach hol to many on the other hand gave me pleasure in being fascinated with all sorts of activities, however the most fascinating of em all is how the behaviour of humanity turns out to be, the way mannerism is concocted, behaviours twisted yet at times hilarious....U know when u travel wif all sorts of ppl its pretty good for observing how the person is, den again i guess i ve my fair share of being scrutinized..anyways...to get to the trip basis, it was a great 3 days, fun filled with beaches, snorkelling activities ( gets pretty boring too... cuz the poor corals are dying off, and sceneries as advertised are not as good as it looks)

However, we had a chatty( or rather irritating at times) guide which somewat gave us a overall tour of the island, btw we manage to celebrate wai pin's bday as well cuz there was a bbq dinner for one nite which we had a grand feast i must say..( for the very cheap price det we pay) no complains lar... Oh btw, i came back 3 shades darker or rather i turn into another race, my mom prolly thought det her daughter is abducted at sea and in place was a substitute lol i wishlar...
Anyways, to cut the long story short, the trip was a breath of fresh air, beautiful scenery ( det i must praised) however, if only the facilities were a lil better, frankly i dun mind paying more..but like they say go with the crowd...it would be a whole lot betta..( den again it wont be as much fun as it could ve turn out rite? :P hehe ) check out the pics below den..for some awesome scenic views..

MIRI: Mulu caves trip :p

2006-05-20T23:05:00.000+08:00

Its been a while since i updated my blog, meanwhile i just came back from a long 5day trip flying towards the east coast.Meanwhile it was a very needed rejuvenation trip to revive myself of my existence. Life really truly is something precious, memories and experiences serve a greater object to remind one of its true significance.

After my finals, i took a trip to Miri sarawak with a gd friend wai pin, n together the both of us spend 4 days 3 nite in miri and mulu caves, a reserve spot for caving and climbing activities.
The trip was an eye opener, having been to many places when i was younger, however, seeing sceneries of caves, natural formation of underwater grounds , stalagtites and stalagmites. All in all it is a whole new different experience, nothing city, nothing urban just plain and natural.To think that civilization had created such drastic difference and how evolvement of humanity had turn out to be, n yet needless to say GOD is still majestic, for his creations is truly astounding and if he can create he definitely can destroy, hence, the trip had serve myself a great reminder of being humble in my presence towards life itself.

To summarize off, we spend 2 days exploring the 4 famous caves known as lang,deer,wind and clearwater caves.We saw thousands of bats circling around caves, especially the view of the underwater caves that reminded me of clips i saw from Lord of the Rings and Indiana jones.

Both of us check in the famous royal mulu resort and had a pretty good stay dere.The rooms
were build in a forest like cabins, it was just so refreshing waking up to birds chirping,peaceful serenity and good weather,had such a great rest dere.Apart from the food which does not really fit our tastebuds, probably due to our fussy and overly picky appetites, nevertheless i had enjoyed myself tremendously. We experienced flying in fokker planes, those tiny planes det carry a max amount of 50 passengers, the flight was really fun, becuz the height we flew enable us to view mountains all the way. A special thanks to our classmate steve who took the trouble to host us around miri upon arriving dere.Needless to say, life was indeed a breath of fresh air, and it was really a trip worth taking .:)

lucky valley, camp rejuventaion...

2006-04-10T23:17:00.000+08:00

a lot have happen the past weeks... i am on study break now becuz finals are just around the corner and i m so stress out i was really feeling a whole lot of emotions last 2 weeks, i went on a yoga rejuvenation camp in a spiritual place named lucky valley...gosh having stayed in msia for so long, i guess my geography must be really bad cuz i never heard of this place before in my life....and it existed...it turns out det this valley is a place where the tai chi,kung fu and yoga masters all over the world comes out for their practices as there lays a famous pyramid which was believed to contain "chi" also known as energy, and the whole place is charged with energy balls which are floating around in the skies among the valley...( the founder from taiwan was given a calling by GOD to search for this in 1984 and he took 2 yrs to find this valley and ve sinced established it till today...)

to put it in short, some ppl actually seen GOD dere, buddhist devotees claim det its a spiritual ground which a lot of supernatural forces are found, hence, upon knowing about the history of this place, i now starts to realized the utmost importance of the trip which i ve just went and came back....having said det....let me tell u how i wind up going to a place which i guess even my mom feels det its way out of the world for someone so city like me to actually go,( btw did i tell u det the facilities are somewat like a camp thingy nevertheless its only a 2 day 1 nite thing, so i manage to survivelar..)

meanwhile, i was going to the gym so often det almost all the instructors are my best friends hehe....seriously, anyways edwin( the master instructor of yoga in california fitness) he organized this trip and he actually approached and invited me along, gosh....i m so honoured, to think det he actually feels det i ve the potential to join his group of "pro" yoga ppl ( seriously these ppl been doing it for 3-10 yrs sorta thing) anyways i figure i should go despite hesitation ,cuz seriously i still dun think i meet the standards...( btw i was the youngest dere, tks to my good friend wai pin whom i drag along to go wif me, cuz all the ppl were like in their late 20's to 40's., all the fanatic yoga practitioners..).meanwhile it was the most rejuvenated camp i ever been in my life.....as i was going through some issues of late, in fact i was losing faith in so many things.....anyhow, when we did the sun salutation facing the east as the sun rises above us, strangely i experience this sorta energy which i never felt before, it really feels like GOD's touch,my body was rejuvenated at that second, it felt so light, so peaceful, it felt like i died and float somewhere becuz i just thought of nothing, but a feeling of deep calm peacefulness....
it came and went in a second,strange and weird, and i ll never forget det feeling, i came back a whole new person...

and i know now det despite the many obstacles in life, GOD is watching all of us, i still doubt my own faith level at times, because i am and feel det i can never live up to what christianity should be simply becuz i am still unable to accept some things or rather i just don't feel like facing it yet...i am not good, to the standard that i perceived that a good christian should be, i feel det i cannot live up to the notions of it, becuz i am just caught up still in the material world, my ambitious nature, too high expectations of my life, these are the things that i cant let go....but in the end i believe all these are excuses , i hope someday i can find the courage to do so, or maybe this are all too much for me to face for the moment.....
i believe very much in love.....probably this ll be the last call where i can understand det the reality of the world stills bounds around an emotion and however much it twists around, the grasp of love is still the stronger one....
( this post is just to share some sights and personal issues of what i view life as, meanwhile if u r really in need of an answer for ur life,or simply to release stress, u should go to lucky valley.....check it up on the website...this place is really one word to describe, simple, yet the power it reveals, amazing.:))

how innocent are u ??

2006-03-31T01:27:00.000+08:00

this is a good one sent to me by a friend, enjoy reading, and ve a great laugh afterthat..:P smile and be happy...

A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, "Boy, what is your problem?"

Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy to the principal's office.
While Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Boy: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her,
"I think Boy can go to the third-grade."

Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions".Can I ask him ?"
The principal and Boy both agree.

Ms Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Boy, after a moment: Legs.

Ms Nee lam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Boy: Pockets.

Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy: Coconut

Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.
Boy: Bubblegum

Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer..
Boy: Shake hands

Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Boy: Yep!!

Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy: Tent> >

Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with mewhen you're bored. The best man always has me first.The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.> >
Boy: Wedding Ring> >

Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy: Nose

Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver
Boy: Arrow

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy: Firetruck.

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand.
Boy: Fork

Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy: SURNAME

Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send this Boy. to Delhi University, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"
are you as innocents as this boy?

A dedication to the people around me...:)

2006-03-15T00:25:00.000+08:00

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met,
our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy .
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson,
love the person and put what you have learned to
use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

GReat Party....:P

2006-03-01T21:49:00.000+08:00

On sat, i decided to throw a party a the legend hotel since my mom had been so excited to do so, well it was a tradition since young where i always used this particular day to get friends together, hence, it was great to be able to do it again. Meanwhile, i had a hi tea thing and really to some of my friends out dere, i want to sincerely apologize if i miss u, cuz it was hell of a last min thing, and i had to limit my guests because the bookings were full.....however dun u worry....dere's still many yrs more ...hehe wink wink...:P

Anyways, all my guests turns out full force, and really it was great, i mean i felt good to see all of u enjoying urself so much..( i hope..) meanwhile, the food spread was really great, although the line was rather long ....anyways,...i simply enjoyed the beautiful tiramisu cake....gosh ..thumbs up to alexis...for those of u who missed tasting this , honestly u miss the whole thingla.r..:P
Anyways...just a shout out to my aunt for giving me that cake, cuz really this cake and i had a history...(hey dun use ur imagination so much k :P ) anyways its just my magic booster, when i m down, all i need to get things done, honestly even sex is not as good...(ok..i ll try to be more decent with usage of words..) hmm..maybe the cake n sex....oops..:)

Meanwhile, i did felt like barbie det day, the feeling was good...but of cuz its the smiles i see around det makes this euphoric feeling....anyways...just want to thank u all for making it a great day.....meanwhile i adored the pressies that i received, thanks for the perfumes, chocolates( u r trying to make me fat eh..),phone (smirk),cosmetics , etc....as i m turning older by a yr, i ve decided det life is just about to get started full force, hence, its time i put it in action and leave things behind...which i ve done.....:) meanwhile...dere's this saying, u built an ark u get wood out of it, u built gold, and u get wat u r looking for.....i intend to go for platinum....wanna challenge me..wink wink...hehe...(this blog is meant to keep me amuse, so dun take things to heart k....) :P

dancing fever....:)

2006-02-19T10:55:00.000+08:00

phew, finally the last test is over and i get a week off before the battle of the continuing tests continues, gosh these past 3weeks had been stressful, however i still manage to squeeze in time for all the things that i should not be doing hehe...no wonder they say that women are great multitasker which is true in my case, i realized det i can do 3 things at once but only prob is i ll end up messing up...anyways...i had send off my invitations to all my friends for the upcoming "event" hehe next sat...actually its just an excuse to get everyone to catch up and det i get to be the mediator in between, nevertheless i do hope det U n I mean U people will turn up n get back to me asap k.....stupid hotel ppl, been bugging me to confirm the numbers for so many days, its just a small thinglar...not like i m throwing a wedding or so....gosh, so annoying....
meanwhile for those of u that ve confirm ur arrival, we r gonna be having a blast, great food n me as the source of entertainment, free of charge, what better way to enjoy ur day....hehe..:)
oklar i ll stop being so perasan.... btw guess wat happen.... i gotten a present from a friend, and it was the v3i phone det i wanted gosh..i was reluctant to take it at first, honestly..i mean its such an expensive gift besides gifts like det normally comes with some form of intention which i thinklar....and not to say anything not det i cant afford to buy it...nevertheless it just feels so good to receive a pressie like det, just wanted to thank u...n still think det u should not waste ur $$$ anyways after confiding in a few ppl, everyone says det is ok to take...so i takelar....m playing wif this new baby, falling in love with it too...:P
meanwhile lately i ve been so into dancing, i counted det in just 3 weeks alone i attended almost 20 hours of dance classes, excluding clubbing which does not count...honestly if u ask me 2 yrs back i ll never b able to do this much dancing in fact i dun even know how....but as i see the progress today,i really wanna thank these few special ppl for giving me so much guidance over the 2 yrs, frank,yvette, farah (especially u) and lingerto gosh now i m ur leading dancer eh..hehe
anyhow i vow to take up dancing seriously after graduating, really love it n i m really gonna major in BD n watever det comes...but really this is getting me motivated in reaching goals det i ve set out to pursue and m still going strong despite many setbacks.....
nevertheless i always believe det u must never give up no matter wat u do, i ll stick to that attitude...until then even the darkest hour of the day can still shine brigthly if u want it to shine....hence, just got to find my own light, dets all...
anyhow i ve nuthing to complain and nuthing to say anymore except det life is always great regardless how it turns out, every possible thing that happens just ve a good reason out of it...and as long as u dun run away but face the problem n get it over n done with, u ll be fine, n then just let time takes the course of the healing journey....n get on wif life....having figure det out i m just so gonna enjoy my life, love my family, love u my friends n just want to spread love to every person i meet....muaks..:P hehe.....(ewww i sound so lovey dovey..):)

lost light...

2006-02-12T23:50:00.000+08:00

in times when the light seems blinded by the clouds,
itsa never easy to search the passage for the road to walk on.

in times when u lost your light,
its difficult to explain why people feels n do as they does.

yet some things like hope, love,
they do exist ,as such in times when u feel utterly lost,
u must search within and find the faith to get on
to get by,and det's where the direction of the light
will switch on and allow u to see where the right path is for u.

some things are unexplainable,
but then if everything has an answer,
then life ll not b as fascinating as it should be..

yet sometimes its such an emotional ride,
out of control, irrational,deprived..
the lost feeling and the sense of frustration that accompanies,
an undignified existence, an unknown unleashed,
then again, the light is in the hands of the controller who controls,
or is it the seeker that seeks?
or rather the fate that has befallen
onto what is not being chosen but rather what is being given.....

Debbie Gibson-didnt ve the heart

2006-02-06T00:13:00.000+08:00

I found somebody new,
Though you mustn't believe,
That means I'm over you.
I know that in time,
We'll figure it out,
You'll read my mind ,
And though I'll wait for that day ,
Without making a sound.
I don't want to be,
The one who's letting you down,
I just want you to know ,
The reason behind the rhyme.

CHORUS:
It's not that I didn't have the time,
Didn't have the love,
I didn't have the strength,
Not to fall apart .
It's not that I don't care,
It's just I wouldn't dare ,
Cause I just don't have the heart.

VERSE2:
Love is not black and white,
You'd believe that it's true .
If you saw me tonight ,
I struggle with what is real .
But the logical side ,
Doesn't stop what I feel,
And though you're holding your breath,
To be given a sign .
Your heart cannot be ,
Broken in pieces like mine.
I just want you to know,
The reason behind the rhyme.

CHORUS:
It's not that I didn't have the time,
Didn't have the love,
I just didn't have the strength,
Not to fall apart .
It's not that I don't care,
It's just I wouldn't dare ,
Cause I just don't have the heart.

BRIDGE:
Loving you was more than I could stand,
I was scared my heart was in your hand .
But I know now I figured it out ,
Beyond a shadow of a doubt I must let go.

CHORUS:
Yes I had the time ,
Yes I had the love,
I just didn't have the strength,
Not to fall apart .
It's not that I don't care,
It's just I wouldn't dare ,
Cause I just don't have the heart,
I don't have the heart....

pu tong peng you-tao zhe

2006-02-03T14:35:00.000+08:00

wo wu fa zhi shi pu tong peng you,
gan qing yi na me shen,
jiu wo zhen me neng fang shou,

chorus:
tang ni shuo i,
i only want to be ur friend,
zuo ge peng you,
wo zai ni xin zhong jiu shi just a friend,

wo gan ji ni dui wo zhe yang de dan bai,
dan wo gei ni de ai zhan shi shou bu hui lai,
so i , will only just try to be a friend...

wo zai yi zao jiu xiang yao shuo ming bai,
wo jue de zi ji hao shi bai,
wo yuan yi gai bian,
chong xin zai lai yi pian,

chorus...

happy CNY...2006

2006-02-01T10:04:00.000+08:00

the month of january seems like a bolt of lightnining to me, and lo n behold comes feb, i had such a tight schedule the past 3 weeks, days seems like hrs,n hrs seems like minutes...etc..meanwhile uni started and boy am i in for a stress filled one.With 6 subjects to cram in just 4 months of studies, god knows how the hell i m gonna survive through it.Anyhow, if i really had a resolution ,i had better stick to being discipline n studying my butt off if i ve too neways CNY this yr was just like the previous yrs, nuthing really special,i went back penang, this time stayed at Evergreen hotel, nice view facing the sea, as usual did a couple of visiting around relatives....meanwhile i attended michelle 21st bday, sorry for arriving late, meanwhile been hanging out wif karina,thanks to her for constantly dragging me to the gym otherwise i m gonna be a piggy again...hehe oink oink....meanwhile paul van dyke is in town....shit i ve to go nevertheless i still ve tons of reports to finish up...gosh..n i just made a resolution to study...
meanwhile another few more days n uni resumes, sigh...i m really starting to get the jitters thinking bout it, wif the upcoming tests quizzes, who says that this is holiday, this is pure mental torture of a holiday..i think i should just stop complaining so much at times, den again, well thats the purpose of a blogger afterall, my purpose at least to vent n complain hehe....
i gotta go for my BD class now...once again happy Cny to everyone,hope u ve a great new yr wif full of angpaos hehe...:)

last week of the year 2005....

2006-01-02T18:50:00.000+08:00

phew...it has been an exhausting week though, my line up of activities , of meeting with all the possible friends that i could before uni officially resumes on the 3rd of jan...meanwhile a fast recap, starting from the 23rd-
went for ferry corsten with mun,johnson and Yc...steph was suppose to meet up but she din turn up so was johnson's cousins..man i hate ppl who ffk, but its oklar...this is msia afterall, its normal...meanwhile we still had a blast as ferry corsten is really trance king ,with his strings of awards n titles under his belt, he really bring the hse downlar...btw i gotten pissed drunk, fk...lucky i was wif some *good* friends...so if i troubled u in anyway m sorry k..:p(but it was fun..) hehe

24th-xmas eve, i attended mark's class, he had been back up dancers for missy elliot,justin timberlake etc, thus his hip hop class is of cuz fully packed, lucky i gotten in to the gym early otherwise i would ve missed seeing this incredible dancer wif of cuz good looks to match hehe..."),meanwhile went for a family xmas dinner in the nite n headed off to the curve to join my ex school mates for the xmas countdown,its been a while really, met up wif ppl i havent seens in 3 yrs eversince high school...we had fun spraying each other wif all that glitter, n dirtying the whole street, i seriously pity the cleaners who ve to clean up the mess..

25th-merry xmas, basically spend whole day opening pressies, went for xmas buffet wif familly at some hotel,ate so much till i was so stuffed, now u know y i had to go to the gym so often, otherwise i would ve became a balloon...neways, food was really good, supposedly had the biggest fine dining spread ...but too bad cuz i only attack the dessert parlour n really after det my lil tummy just simply can afford the rest hehe....

26th-happy bday tjun, one of my best buddy (heng tai) 21st, went down to his hse wif py n co,had the best satays dere, cuz wat he staying in kajang famous for it..basically spend the nite wif great friends chilling, finally we r all legal at last...:P

27th-another hse party, pot luck event, spend the morning preparing the salad det i offered to make cuz i dun cook so this is the best i could do ,was wif steph at starbucks n we went for manicure session,she was so pissed cuz british high comm was close n her passport is dere, she was suppose to leave perth the next morn but now its impossible n she had to buy new tickets again wat a waste.

28th-met up wif sally,bump into tons of ppl today from clubbing kakis to god knows who, seriously i wonder y i cant make an effort to remember ppl's name, feel so embarassed when someone start saying hi n all i could wonder was who the hell r they ...mental note:to remind myself to start remembering faces....:P

30th-took the car for servicing in the morn, had such a funny expereince, u know while waiting for the car to b ready, i was at a cafe having bfast, this ang mor stranger suddenly came up n started to ask me for directions, mind u the cafe that i was in was filled wif loads of other ppl, meanwhile without hesitating he sat down opposite me n before i knew it, he was actually making conversation bout the book that i waS reading...gosh,anyways i just had to bear wif him, though he was kinda cute but i still feel det this is so corny...no offence but reallylar he could just come over n chat instead of using some stupid excuse of asking me directions n den the funniest part was when i noticed det he had an office tag,he's working wif NAZA..my goodness..luckily my phone rang n the service guy told me det my car was ready for pickup, so i politely excused myself, n left as fast as i could,..actually if he tried a diff approach i probably will stay on to chat but seriously for a guy who looks n dresses so smartly etc ,y the hell does he wanna start wif such a bad pickup line for, puts ppl off...sigh....
and finally...
31st-new year eve-j lim pick me bout 8pm n we rush down to Kl to join the rest of the gang, dere's jeannioe, terrence, py n all their friends almost the 18 of us in TARBUSH-a restaurant famous for middle eastern cuisine, saw sq who came back from new zealand for hols..basically almost everyone studying overseas r back for hols, n me..i m starting uni in a few days time..so sad rite....anyways after the hearty meal, which has like meat from every poultry they can find, its good though we went watch the fireworks display n den its time to partay.....it was rum jungle this time...beautiful setting inspired by tarzan n jane hehe..very suggestive eh..finally i could put my belly dancing skills to use haha...more like a bear dance...meanwhile it was a great nitela.r..all in all met friends here n dere...couples everywhere, n me?? i m the happy go lucky,flirty n bitchy gf of just about anyone..hehe..gosh i sound bad...nolar..just to cover up my singlehood..hehe..but honestly i m so enjoying life now..so watever comes come ,if not then DONT!! bump into yc opposite poppy n of cuz julynn n gang but somewat lost them in a massive crowd....all in all...it was a great nite, a good way to end year 2005, n tomorrow well...i m older by a yr now...so ..any resolutions?? forget it..... finally happy new yr to all of ya..:P

stepping down,heading forward...

2005-12-18T17:16:00.000+08:00

In about 2 weeks the year would come to an end, and another yr will start.Imagine,how great a person could be and etc..at the end of the day noone will get more than their fair share on time...because regardless who it may be, time is just the same for everyone of us....thus,as i recall my last few weeks before the year 2005 would finally come to an end....endless list of resolutions, happenings n memories run across my mind...yet, all i can say is definitely i had a memorable yr being 21, an age of complete freedom, supposedly...nevertheless dere may be things that i would ve done which i am not proud of however there r plenty that i did which had make a rather meaningful year as well..:P

Regardlesss what the following yr would to come about, i shall not dwell in the past , the negative side and all and continue to look ahead for a better start, a better approach on a better year ahead.Of course, the many friends that i had the opportunity to meet, to learn and to share with, its really a pleasure even know it may be for a short time or so, however i believe that when u meet a person ,whoever it may be, how long or short ,what matters is det every other being will definitely leave some sort of lesson or experience det we can learn from ...but of cuz the friends by our side, those are indeed precious and priceless ,so i really do count my blessings in having u all..( u know who u r ) meanwhile last week was packed with loads of things from the World peace forum which i attended grace by all those very important leaders of the world to my involvement in the bowling tournament etc...

By the way, shoutouts to those with bdays and all, we did celebrate in style..:P meanwhile xmas just around the corner, may everyone ve a great christmas,eat well be merry and god bless !

the short holiday..urban city gal gets cultural shock hehe

2005-12-12T22:32:00.000+08:00

phew...past week have just flown by, let me start updating bout my busy week, it was a really sweet one though...i was in kuching, sarawak wif my mom on a buisness cum leisure trip,stayed at the hilton considered as the best hotel dere...it was really a great trip,despite the heavy schedule, we managed to squeeze in time to sightsee the city,paid a trip to the cultural village as well....regarding the cultural trip, gosh it was really an experience of a lifetime for a city gal like me...meanwhile to keep it short, in summary i had the chance to visit all the longhouses that was built n experience how the people actually stayed n led their lives dere.....i never would ve dreamt of the kinda lifestyle they can actually go through which seriously if i had to do so, i think i really cannot survive it....meanwhile this whole week was really a feast week...i m spoiled wif so many different kinds of food...gosh now my workout out is all in vain..i guess i got to hit the gym pretty soon....u know sumtimes i should count my blessings cuz it seems det i just ve this food kinda luck...everywhere i go i seemed to be offered a lot of food..dets why ppl like me wanna be thin also difficult..but then like the chinese proverb says "sek shi fuk' so i should just stop complaining hehe...
meanwhile besides det i truly had a nice holiday the next one will be the mount kinabalu...truly the highest peak in asia to scale....which means i got to workout more get more stamina n then climbed all the way hehe..:)

beneath a dream..lies an ocean of truth

2005-12-10T20:24:00.000+08:00

a feeling of loss,
emotions are the cause,
whats not to unfold is a mask of silence,
a story untold, unheard of..
the ending unknown but the meaning deep in turns,
unable to escape the immense pressure,
memories just could not be tossed.

paying a price,
of an unworthy quest,
lies the beholder of a sharp image of the knife,
which cannot cuts any ties it bounds but would rather lose eternity
then force itself to be set free.

some things are not meant to be controlled,
or rather unjustified for words or actions,
yet some things are meant to dwell in the dark,
just so it could be forgotten and let go...the past..

why is the action of an undesirable cause a series of unknown,
perhaps dere's lies bigger things untold,
or perhaps life is just meant to be hard,
but suffering the hardest lies the soul of the heart.....

someone told me the answer to love...

2005-12-08T23:05:00.000+08:00

(well, this is something i find meaningful, yet practicing it honestly...its huge pressure anyways here goes...)

To love is one thing.
To be loved is another.
But to be loved by the one you love is everything.
You never lose by loving.
You always lose by holding back.
Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.
You cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone that can be loved.
The rest is up to them.
Sometimes we look too far off in the distance to find that one person we want to share our lives with, without realizing that often times they're just in front of you loving you all this time.
True love doesn't have a happy ending.
That's because true love doesn't have an ending.
A heart truly in love never loses hope but always believes in the promises of love, no matter how long the time and how far the distance.
Love has its own time, season, and own reasons.
You can't ask it to stay, you can only embrace it as it comes and be glad that for a moment in your life it was yours.

king arthur's table-s good joke..

2005-11-30T15:45:00.000+08:00

You must read all of it to get the message :-

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch ofaneighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals . So, the monarch offered him his freedom,as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess,the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone,but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would havet he answer.But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged. The last day of the year arrivedand Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth,smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a pugnant creature in all his life. He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot,learning of the proposal, spoke withArthur.He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus: What a woman really wants, she answered ... is to be in charge of herown life. Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that thewitch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But what a sight awaited him.The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half. Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle,an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during theday,but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments? What would YOU do?What Lancelot chose is below. BUT ... make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life .Now ... what is the moral to this story?Scroll downThe moral is..... If you don't let a woman have her own way....Things are going to get UGLY!

a musical to remember indeed

2005-11-27T09:40:00.000+08:00

its been a while since i blog here,well i still got to put in some entries to keep my blog alive rite..hehe meanwhile past 3 weeks,have been working out in the gym a lot, n mind u i have not gone any thinner because i just realised det the more u work out the more u eat....wat to do ur appetite increases because u become more active, nevertheless i ve been attending some really great classes especially the latest form of yoga-tantra,known as the highest form of yoga exercise,this experienced instructor by the name of master lingam, well having had 24 yrs of experience under his belt, presumably he definitely qualifies to teach a yoga of that standard.Only thing was he never warn us intermediate or i rather say start over begineers bout how tough the poses are, and thanks to his class, i m suffering from a sore back,spine n toes haha, bet u din know det the strongest pose and hardest one to do is to have ur toes balance ur entire weight,well..i was told even a person of the greatest stamina,endurance etc..could not master this particular pose either....which means that since i did it, so i must be damn strong..(haha, no way...)
My brother had gone to the states for vacation, and its been 3 weeks already bet he's having a great time dere....meanwhile just hope he remembers to get me my stuff hehe....meanwhile some pretty good n bad news happened over this 3 weeks, firstly my trip to the states had to be postponed due to some glitches, anyhow its better that i go next yr i guess....but i do feel somewhat dissapointed with it for i had been looking forward to see my best friend dere....yet, no worries k..i do understand bout the things, so don't bother feeling bad cuz its not like i ll not go, its just at a later time, besides i had already submit my visa application, which means i ve a visa valid for 10 yrs, now tell me how would i possibly not go within this period hehe..:)
Apart from det, my dad's best friend really kept to his word, gosh, he's the one with the son in the making of becoming one of those stars in TVB, anyhow...dad pass me the VVIP tickets yesterday ,and my mom, aunt n i went to watch wat i consider the most unforgetable musical of all times.Seriously, i had been exposed to musicals ever since i was young, because i had the chance to participate and act in it as well, so threatre works is something that i know a thing or two about , and the musical that i witnessed to yesterday was produced and starred by a group of famous n rather talented chinese led by the equally famous jacky cheung(also known as one of the 4 heavenly kings in HK)Anyways, i met aaron right dere when i was just bout to enter the stage to our seatings, it was really wat i call fated to meet, cuz never thought we could catch him as he was just so tremendously busy, well i ve not seen him close to a decade, and having remember the lil kid s time where we went to ocean park together etc..anyhow he seemed unabled to regcognised me at first..(hehe i must ve changed a lot, for the better i hope..)anyhow when he saw my mom who had the same face and seems to never grow ol...honestly my mom is blessed wif good genes...then he remembered hehe .
I am really happy for him because he finally achieve wat he had always dreamed of becoming, yet its a pity det his brother did not do so, cuz seriously he had a younger bro who's one word...cute..as in seriously good looking...another potential TVB star and best of all a graduate from Princeton all is it Cornell, whicheverlar....but anyhow wish him success..man i still cant believe it...sigh....its time i had better stay more focused to my own dreams as well...cuz really seeing him gave me a big motivation and i told myself det i must never give up on wat i want...so really ppl stay true to ur dreams, make sure u dream big, and dun ever evr give up on it..because u ll succeed if u really stay truly focused on it...just like my lil childhood friend whom i once considered ...wateverlar better not say it..anyways kudos to u..and i hope u ll end up being a big star in time...
Life been good, but i hope with this time i can do some self seeking, healing,and understanding of what i would, and want to go on in my journey in life, despite understanding det some things ..its better not to plan it first because u simply never know wat ll happen for sumtimes its up to God to plan it for u, yet, u do have a choice, and choosing the right choice can evidently lead u to a better destiny, cuz in a way destiny is in ur hands...as far as i m concern, i ve make an agreement to myself to understand det the way to go about things, is to always to be concentrated, consistent and patient enough so if i can stick to these virtues and practice what is preach.....hehe.:)anyways i think i ve just jot down a big entry so thats all for now....

a tribute to my phone...

2005-10-29T12:10:00.000+08:00

this week was one of those week det i ll remember for a while, i know losing a phone is no biggie to some ppl afterall if the phones are bought by ur parents or given to u for free,u would not really experience the loss that much..anyhow..for those who earn or save ur own $$$ to buy ur stuff i m pretty sure u ll feel how i feel...anyways the story of my stolen phone happened 3 days ago...
i was meeting up wif a good galfriend mun mun for dinner in mid valley, as usual we were shopping around before our dinner and this month is the best month to shop wif sales everywhere as the festive season are just around the corner,while shopping for shoes, we were trying on pairs excitingly, and of cuz i was just unaware of my surroundings until much later, just as i was almost finishing dinner,n then i was expecting a call from karina as she promise to meet us for dessert together.....and then i realised my nokia 7260 barely 3 months old, first that i actually bought myself was missing...gosh this was soooo stupid of me, the phone was inside my bag its not det small and it is in a leather casing as well...so how the hell did i lose it without even noticing....
trust me i m still unable to forgive myself for my blurness and i guess i m just damn unlucky as basically i was a target of pickpockets and seriously these ppl are just so pro in it...sigh..my heart feels so heavy but what to do i should thank god that my wallet was not gone as well, at least i was save from the hassle of having to report lost documents...nevertheless the saddest thing was det i lost along some pictures, messages etc inside my phone which were never be uncovered not to mention contact list as well....i guess this means that i just ve to forget everything n start anew...now ve to start thinking of phones to get...haha a reason to ve no choice but to get a better n nicer phone....sigh at least that is the best comforting thought which most of my friends told me ..:P
moral of the stopry be careful when u go out,always keep alert of ur belongings n if u suspect anything wrong do something immediately dun be like me so blur....anyways i finally finish the harry potter 4th book...but i dun ve the mood to talk bout it just yet...meanwhile i m still figuring out the blogskin things,,,,,till then friends celebrating raya n deepavali..hope u all have a great celebration..:)

shopping spree duo..:p

2005-10-22T11:07:00.000+08:00

my mom was on leave the last two days, thus the wicked daughter of hers suggested to plan a fun filled 2 days of enjoyment n relaxation for her...and of cuz women's best friend are none other than diamonds..(sorrylar not just yet,gimme another 10 yrs probably i ll bring u diamond shopping) and of cuz shopping!!! anyways we really pampered ourselves with spa,manicure,pedicures etc..all the girlie stuff....u know this was like the one time we actually done it for the year so seriously it was really great,admist all the business of our lives, one thing for sure is that we really must never forget to spend time with our love ones especially our parents and all...which remind me...would like to send my deepest condolence to the great first lady of our country datin endon, a true loss indeed to the country,however a lesson to learn here,cherish ur moms n dads cuz they really are the most important ppl in your lives at the end of the day...

The last 2 days was really great, i bought so many stuff from FCUK as it was again on sale,anyhow thanks to gym i m able to fit into pants n skirts which i thought i was not able too then..so of cuz i have to buy rite especially when it looks good and it is on sale...gosh there goes all the $$$..anyways i vow to stop buying so much stuff becuz i simply have more than enuff and yet it is all sitting in my wardrobe waiting to be worn....sigh..which means for the coming CNY i can like wear diff clothes everyday for 15 days...hehe....talk bout vain..oh i bought a bag too actually i ve been wanting to get this lovely gem sitted on the first floor of klcc, the forbidden floor, cuz prices are like 4 digits and above but too bad they dun ve the design i want anymore,sigh...so i settle for a much less pricey one,hmm sometimes i should limit myselflar...come to think of it i m just a student after all if, i would ve carried a bag which is almost like the price of half a laptop it is seriously too muchlar...

so i decided the bag will just ve to wait, and mind u i m not brand concious or anything is just that i ve this things with bags,especially when they starts with G,L and P..(hint hint) hehe :P oklar enuff of all this rantings about bags, i think it just ve to wait, probably next year (just 2 months aways hah..:) ) meanwhile i m very happy n rejuvenated with this shopping therapy, then again all gals are happy when they get to shop,its just this fun n exhilarating feeling gets u really excited and really happy...so i gotta get myself back to serious work after all the pampering....

btw we treat ourselves to tryout a lot of diff food from various restaurants, the new one Delicious opened by ms read,in Bangsar serve really great salads and cakes yummie...n there's vietnam kitchen famous vietnamese food in one utama,s well s euro deli's sausages...sigh..ve to get back to the gym seriously after all the food...anyhow gtg now but really tryout the places that i suggested serve really good food...:)

concealing under shadows..

2005-10-19T20:56:00.000+08:00

sweet is what becomes of memories,
once faded,bitterness surrounds,
moving on is the option to maintain the fresh essence,
in denial of what bitterness it creates,
life still goes on and nothing should be left to ponder..

idleness force issues to arise or rather,
forcing the consequence of a denial to happen.
it makes one wonder why is the feeling of emotions such
a irrational movement,
yet,to be concealed is better to dictate...
or rather less talked bout,easier to forget..

problems do arise,when one lives in denial,
but why does the anger of emotions not perished?/
why people tend to be stubborn despite being told off,
embarassed? why??
perhaps thats all just det matters,
perhaps what they say is all true,
things really can get out of hand,
love truly exist,
or rather stupidity of not wanting to give up..or
maybe its just plain innocence det perfection lies, which does not in matters like such..

a burning decision, great regret,yet what should be done, nothing..
for the best thing to do is to maintain in silence and denial....

dinasties of ancient china...

2005-10-15T23:36:00.000+08:00

i had just finished reading a rather philosphical book and i cant wait to talk about it..anyways i found another haunt for free and good reading its the latest bookshop BORDERs opened in Timesquare...which means now apart from kinokuniya i ve another place to hangout in..hehe :) anyways i feel so damn smart now after having finish a rather challenging book i must say..it relates to the entire history of China talking bout the dinasties which came along ,saw conquer and perish...in the midst of it are the ever entrigue stories of concubines,befallen empires,famous legends etc...not forgetting all the famous novels such as romance of the three kingdoms,and the pornographic turned literature of the red brick wall or stairs (hua hong lou),wait till i get my hands on det..trust me all the guys will be so thrill to learn the karma sutra of ancient china hehe..:P

Meanwhile i really wanna review more on this book but before i do so...i m trying to figure out the whole damn week to get my new blogskin out...which is proving to be such a big task to me....i mean a computer illiterate configuring all these info...gosh its gonna take me a bit more time...sigh..wish i knew more IT friends to help me out....then again i ve a big bro who's like the genious in it n yet i ve this feeling he does not know how to churn out a blogskin too hehe....seriously i gotta make it soon...and i promise afterthat u ll see photos,pics and all the great stuff on my better looking blog...but until then just be contended wif a bunch of words...but rather interesting ones i hope..:)

I had a great korean lunch wif my mom,however we ended up ordering too much becuz we din know det the appetizers r already like meals of its own, i guess we really paid to learn from our mistakes..:P hmm btw the mandarine oriental dinner the other nite was so good....we ate like kings,the chef actually prepared a dish rite in front of us in their open kitchen making our mouths water just looking at it,and the dish was none other than their award winning pekingnese duck,yummy..oklar enuff of all this talk bout food...meanwhile i ve decided i m gonna be learning some crash course baking soon,u know my parents used to own a cafe cum restaurant something like a fusion of madam kwan and secret recipe,which means i v had always been exposed to the food thing since young,i really wanna get back the passion i had on cakes and start making really good ones too...hmm...now i ve to scout for a good pastry chef..maybe i ll enquire with french or swiss embassy to check it out hehe...:P

time flies when u r enjoying urself...

2005-10-14T22:05:00.000+08:00

another friday...hmm lately i noticed that i ve been rather lazy to blog..nevertheless its good to drop by to put down some stuff so det whenever i reread these it keeps some memories alive :)
Meanwhile,these days i ve been lazing around doing the usual things a student on hols does...been out to the gym quite frequently wasting my time dere...at least i m doing something healthy cuz u know,when u r on holiday being a couch potato is pretty normal so the extra kilos really creep in when u dun do anything but sit dere...

Anyhow i went attend a press conference 2 days ago wif karina...it was in westin and it was regarding some launching of fashion for shoes,a rather popular one as a matter of fact,i got to see the who's who dere including the latest up n coming model amber chia, u know she's really not det great looking in person, still wonder why she won the guess modelling contest...thanks to my ever popular journalist friend,again was treated like a VIP,food spread was really good....unfortunately i made a pledge to give up unhealthy food cuz really i cant afford to put on anymore weight hehe...besides after having to endure all those combat,pump,balance etc classses seriously i m not going through all det shit just to end up as jumbo the elynn-phant...:) (great i making fun of myself ) .

You know sad to say we always say beauty is more than exterior,but honestly dets is so bullshit,i mean look at amber chia, she barely can even speak english properly,thanks to her beauty she gets the fame n glory while the more better and deserving personalities i find are just back seat runners,haiz..thats the world i guess...so like they say u cant beat em join em...

I have another 2 more months of holiday,which means i really wanna make good use of this time before uni starts again, found out that the syllabus for my next sem is gonna be a killer, which means i seriously gotta start sourcing for materials becuz i vow not to be so unprepared like last sem,still heaving a sigh of relief in passing all of it, meanwhile the results are still not out yet and i m pretty worried bout it, so hope it ll come out later hehe....oh btw my wonderful bro gotten me an ipod shuffler,hehe now i can work out wif more motivation of songs...den again i really wanna own the latest ipod ,i should stop going out so much n maybe save the $$$ for it..hmmm bvut i really want det timberland shoes....sigh u know i m so pissed, i saw this pair of timberland det i fell in love wif, i was just about to made the concious decision to purchase it n guess wat they dun ve my size, like as though so many ppl will buy,btw the hari raya puasa has begun last week which means raya this year ll be in early NOV...thing is seems like the muslims were suppose to fast and of cuz this ll make them thinner, but i think this fasting thing is making them more fatter than ever, imagine not eating anything the whole day and wolfing down all rubbish towards the evening n then go ZZZZ ,gosh det is so bad for health...

i think i ll stop crapping here cuz i wanna go back to my harry potter series, been catching up wif all my book collection which i bought n stored dere waiting to be read..hehe, wait till i finish the potter series i m seriously doing a review n each og the volumes...:P

back..after a week....

2005-10-08T00:17:00.000+08:00

hmm...seems like i ve not blog for a while...anyways..finally i ve some time off to be online...its been a hell of a week,but rather good one indeed, time passes by so fast when u r having fun...meanwhile i had been busy focusing on some goals that i set out to do before another year would to go by...nevertheless things looks pretty positive...anyways..too soon to say...u know recently i ve been meeting really interesting individuals...learning a lot from all these people taught me a great deal about my direction in life...

meanwhile,apart from being a student i decided det i wanna build a career fast and before i graduate i aim to at least ve a buisness to run on....yet i guess sometimes gotta see where my limitations are...anyhow..my growing list of clientelle seems rather positive...anyhow... i m not gonna be big headed n try doing things all at once knowing very well det studies is still the number one priority...meanwhile i ve yet to attend my interview wif the embassy..shit man....cant put on hold anymore.....i ve some pretty bad things which happen onto me earlier this week...but wat the heckla.r..its life ..n ups n downs r bound to happen....nevertheless i m pretty optimistic bout things,i guess dets the best way to cope n instead of becoming negative over issues...sometime i really dun understand why some ppl tend to be more negative than others,its not det i m against their view but seriously its just damaging to health....

tomorrow my dad's best friend n family ll be arriving from hong kong....its a really big deal as they r here to witness their son performing live wif jacky cheung, well at least i ve the privilige of knowing him as a kid n i still remembered the time when we tried to steered his dad's yatch cept det we almost crash the ship hehe.....anyhow now det he's gonna be a future star with tvb..wish u luck k...meanwhile i hope u become so famous n next thing i know if i ve $$$ probs i m gonna sell out photos to the press hehehe...jkinglar..u think i so cheap mer..then again the photos are pretty priceless heh..:P...i m happy for u lar...go succeed ur dreamlar u really ve wat it takes..just make sure u sing better then edison chen..u look better anyways...hehe..:P( damn i wonder why things din work out....) talking bout the yatchlar...:p

anyways i m looking forward to the sumptuous dinner tomorrow..meanwhile really tired..need to catch up on my beauty zzz..:)

lingering past...

2005-10-01T00:01:00.000+08:00

pondering thoughts,peaceful songs,
all at once,hear no more.
treacherous thoughts,unending sequence,
obey and be truthful,seek the lord.

living a substance,revived in a manner,
hold to faith,because it surrenders all.
differences and objections,
many to be questioned,
it buys integrity and leads to many possibility.

love heals the ones det seek the love of god,
lays a more powerful hand and heart,
growing in christ and in seeking for answers,
it ll thus be answered.

finally nothing matters more than having a good sense of direction.
no straying around,avoiding all pitfalls,
be strong for the sake of not having voids in between,
because the greatness in doing so is being loving to oneself,
in terms of everything, and in getting desirable happiness that lasts...

romantic countries..

2005-09-28T22:50:00.000+08:00

H.O.L.L.A.N.D Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies.
I.T.A.L.Y. I Trust And Love You.
L.I.B.Y.A. Love Is Beautiful; You Also.
F.R.A.N.C.E. Friendships Remain And Never Can End.
C.H.I.N.A. Come Here??. I Need Affection.
B.U.R.M.A. Between Us, Remember Me Always.
N.E.P.A.L. Never Ever Part As Lovers.
I.N.D.I.A. I Nearly Died In Adoration.
K.E.N.Y.A Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing.
C.A.N.A.D.A. Cute And Naughty Action that developed into attraction
K.O.R.E.A. Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every adversity.
E.G.Y.P.T. & nbsp; Everything's Great, You Pretty Thing!
M.A.N.I.L.A. May All Nights Inspire Love Always.
P.E.R.U. Phorget (Forget) Everyone... Remember Us.
T.H.A.I.L.A.N.D.Totally Happy. Always In Love And Never Dull.

A visit to the Us embassy....

2005-09-28T22:36:00.000+08:00

Today was not my day...i was bracing myself for an early interview to get my visa approved so det i can quickly make sure det my holiday plans are properly settle out, n then what a great deal of nonsense i ve to go through n yet nothing was garnered off it...except wasted time n of cuz wasted effort, nevertheless...i guess dets why important things have to be done twice for an effect to happened...meanwhile i finally found myself learning how to apply a visa n going through the procedures required...man the Us embassy had such a tight security...n yet wonder why unfortunate things are still reported to happen..so weird...anyways let me tell u bout the process of applying a visa...i'll bet this ll come in handy to anyone..to enter the US u gotta ve a visa of cuz..so to do so..u gotta download the whole application form.filled up correctly..mind u not even a single spelling mistake to be made....dets how meticulous u must be....meanwhile u gotta get urself down to the embassy...ohh before det u must schedule an appointment online, n u ve to do so online as no phone calls are entertain.....talk bout being high tech....thus, those who dun ve a pc or a printer i suggest u had better start investing cuz nowadays phones are already consider outdated....

Afterthat,just to enter the place u gotta get a pass, n of cuz they will search u through, mind u they confiscated my car keys n even wanted to take my lip gloss...gosh like as though lip gloss can bring in bacteria or sumthing....btw if u happen to be sick..dun bother going cuz u r never gonna be let in....guess wat my bag been searched three times n its just a small lil handbag...n the whole procedure of going in took 30 minutes i m serious...and guess wat dets just to walk from the guardhouse to an entrance...approx distance of walking to a mall's entrance...(how near can it get...n it took 30 min..u can run a marathon...)

So, u can imagine my joy of finally getting in..n guess wat i barely even spend less than 5 minutes inside taking a number when the lady told me det i got an incorrect size of photo....so u guess it.....i was told to come back and go through all the hassle again...sigh....:(

weekend of parties...

2005-09-25T20:20:00.000+08:00

Another sunday...and finally i ve some free time on my own,anyways last week was pretty crazy,basically i was rather busy with all my entertainment that was plan way ahead even before my finals....nevertheless it was a great week having to party, club,meet up friends,shop around and of cuz last nite the best nite ever :)

Yesterday was steph's 21st bday which she pre celebrated early which was a good thing, anyways rented an apartment suite in AScott (the exclusive place just opposite the mandarine oriental with twin towers overlooking our view) talk about being spoiled...anyways the food was good..gourmet styled prepared by all her friends,it was a small gathering but really it was way better det way...everyone was forced to get drunk and for the first time ever i get to see my "twin" really drunk...hehe..anyways it was a good nite and once again happy 21st n may u be blessed with all the best in life :)
On sat,went to party with some good friends in zouk,damn the music was good..and we were taking centrestage hogging the whole podium to ourselves,talk about self centred man...anyhow it was really great really....which is prompting me to start my salsa/latin class really soon...cuz i really wanna improve my dancing techniques not that i m det badlar..

Meanwhile karina forget that b****** k i think u ll be way happier wif shenton and u know wat screw him for whether he comes back or not, u know life's more precious to just mope around for a love det just cant show u a future,and regardless he loves u or not point is LDR just doesn't work,wats the point of having a relationship det u cant even get close to ur bf/gf really i....trust me i know wat i m saying....is difficultlar for a gal n even worse off for the guy rite.(i think u know wat i mean)
Anyways,i just came back was a great workout session,i feel so good now maybe from all the hormones that r pumping in crazily...and i m still so energetic the fact det i was bouncing up n down for the past 2 hours anyways i ve just managed to install my new printer all by myself....i knowlar its so easy what is dere to boast about...but as u know my pc skills r like "0" so its a big deal to me...hehehe anyways i vow to teach myself better computing skills eversince i gotten my new laptop so det i can use 3D animation to draw cells....(what a geek) i should stop crappinglar meanwhile i really gotta go get my visa properly done up...and really i pray god that no more tornados ll hit anymore cuz really its delaying my visa approval...sheesh (how insensitive am i..)
anyways to u peeps out dere,be sure to ve a great week,take care n exercise if u feel down it works u know...meanwhile if u dun feel like it then again read the blog below....at least it ll be a source of comfort lol.....:P

best advice for health n dieting...

2005-09-25T10:53:00.000+08:00

Health & Fitness the Facts:>>>

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is thistrue?>>
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don'twaste>them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?>>
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). A pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?>>>
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,that>means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more >ofthe>goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?>>>
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one.If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regularexercise program?>>>
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?>>>
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.In fact, they're permeated in it.How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?>>>
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?>>>
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?>>>
A: Are you crazy? HELLO . Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!>>>
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?>>>
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?>>>
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have hadabout>food and diets and remember.......>>>"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of >arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather >to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - strawberries in the >other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming>- WOO HOO!

this is a good joke..:)

2005-09-25T10:45:00.000+08:00

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to Heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is,you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Arthur thought about itfor a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St.Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented motorcycles, eh?!"Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me..."God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road?!"
Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?" God said, "Ah, yes.""Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major
design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous!!""Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."God went to his Celestial super-computer, typed in a few words andwaited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it."Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

these are really funny...enjoy reading..:P

2005-09-23T00:55:00.000+08:00

BOY : May I hold your hand? GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me! BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring?? BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever. BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you! GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea. WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think, Peter?PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?" Pupil : "The moon". Teacher : "Why?" Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?" Pupil : "A teacher".
4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !" Sam : "It's a family tradition". Teacher : "What do you mean?" Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher". Teacher : "What about your mother?" Sam : "She's a woman".
7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?" David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?" Student : "Brotherly love".
9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?" Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?" Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?" One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."
12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?" One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

stomp workshop..a great day..:)

2005-09-21T18:06:00.000+08:00

I m so relieved, results were finally out yesterday and thank god again that i pass everything n dun need to seat for any supplementary test or so...gosh i was so worried over the maths paper...cuz i simply paid too much time on chem n the rest till i dun even ve time to do more on my maths..on top of det i sux with numbers, anyways moral of the story...do not party till dawn for consecutive periods when finals is just 2 weeks away and start studying only a week before..trust me i so learnt my lesson now...anyways for next sem i m going all out to hit 4.0 and seriously i must do it for redemption sake..i just hope det the actual results will only come out after my trip so det i can enjoy first n then worry bout it later hehe....

Meanwhile i had a pretty interesting day, i went with karina for the press released of flightplan film by jodie foster...seriously..dun botherlar wasting ur money on it...the plot is pretty much like her previous movie panic room...i was so bored by the scenes in the 1st half of the movie...then again i got in for free thanks to my buddy here.....(woman i seriously am comtemplating on taking a journalist job,the vip treatments that u get...seriously i m so jealous...:P)anyhow luckily the plot thickens and the 2nd part shows a better picture , since it is yet to be released i shall not say too much...overall its not that bad but its not great either....anyhow the chronicles of narnia would be a better bet..i m so waiting for it...bought the book n m hooked on it....goodlar preoccupied my time during my hols...

I attended a workshop later on in the day conducted by none other than the world famous Stomp people,it was in istana budaya..i was taught to stomp hehe..and there were only like 15 of us from various uni we were invited by the Star newspaper...it was so much fun ..best part is the cutie which was teaching us cant help flirting around with him..he's just too cute hehe....anyhow at the end of the workshop we were like so pro in it , i think we probably could form a band on our own..guess wat i now know how to make music out of a broom...i mean seriously a broom...hmm..i think i should go catch the showlar...meanwhile to u ppl out dere go see it k..its really worth a watch ..they ll be on till this sun ..and all of these ppl are very talented ,they come from all over the world,london ,brazil to name a few..n really its the only tour det they ll ever be doing that covers southeast asia.....(i m such a great promoter...hehe)..

apart from det i m so tired, and i still ve yet to make a trip down to the US embassy...sigh i prolly golar this fri....

unanswerable questions...

2005-09-21T18:04:00.000+08:00

Questions with No Answers
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
If pro is the opposite of con, and progress is moving forward, what is congress?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
Where would we be without rhetorical questions?
Will your answer to this question be no?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why are there still monkeys and apes?
If a Smurf choked, what color would it turn?
Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?
If someone gives you a penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, where does the other penny go?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why didn't Noah just swat those two mosquitoes?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If Jimmy cracks corn, and no one cares, why is there a song about it?
Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island could make a radio out of coconuts, why couldn't he fix a hole in the boat?
If you make a cow laugh, will milk come out its nose?
Do three headed fire dragons have heated arguments with themselves?
What do picket sign writers put on their signs when they go on strike?
Why is minimalism such a big word?
Do fish get thirsty?
If you learn from mistakes, why isn't I a genius?
If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
What really was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why do banks leave both doors open, yet they chain pens to the countertops?
Why do people order a double cheeseburger, large fries, and a diet soda?
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected the expected?
How is it that "Fat Chance" and "Slim Chance" mean the same thing?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

company mergers..(pretty funny :) )

2005-09-21T18:00:00.000+08:00

Shocking Company Mergers
If Polygram Records, Warner Brothers, and Keebler Crackers merged, they would become Polly-Warner-Cracker.
If Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R. Grace Company merged, they would become Hale Mary Fuller Grace.
If 3M and Goodyear merged, they would become MMMGood.
If John Deere and Abitibi-Price merged, they would become Deere Abi.
If Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining merged, they would become Zip Audi Do Da.
If Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil merged, they would become Honey I'm Home.
If CitiBank, Minute Maid, Calvin Klein, You & Me, and No Money Down merged, they would become Calvin Maid You & Me Citi Down a Minute.
If Denison Mines, Alliance, and Metal Mining merged, they would become Mine All Mine.
If Federal Express and UPS merged, they would become FED UP.
If McDonalds, Knots Berry Farm, Old American, and Hada Media merged, they would become Old McDonalds Hada Farm.
If Fairchild Electronics, Honeywell Computers, and Rothschild merged, they would become Fairwell Honeychild.
If 3M, J.C. Penney, and the Canadian Opera Company merged, they would become 3 Penney Opera.

science theories by kids...hehe :)

2005-09-20T15:04:00.000+08:00

The Latest Science Theories from Kids!
-Beguiling ideas about science from 5th and 6th grade essays, exams, and classroom discussions...
Question: What is one horsepower?Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.
-The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.
-When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
-When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.
-Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand.
-We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won't drown when we breathe.
-Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water.
-While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating.
-Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction.
-South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage.
-Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.
-Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south.
-Horticulture started when Columbus landed on the bank of the Mississippi at St. Louis and taught the Indians to grill roasting ears during a massive picnic.
-A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
-There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever.
-Lime is a green-tasting rock.
-Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
-Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.
-Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother.
-We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
-To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.
-In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's.
-Clouds are high flying fogs.
-I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.
-Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do.
-Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail.
-Rain is saved up in cloud banks.
-In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.
-Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.
-A blizzard is when it snows sideways.
-A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size.
-Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.
-The wind is like the air, only pushier.

yi lu xiang bei-heading towards north...jay chou

2005-09-19T23:20:00.000+08:00

(first verse)
cong shi jing li de shi jie,
from the mirror of ur world

yue lai yue yuan de dao bie,
the further the distance apart

ni zhuan sheng xiang bei,
you turn your direction behind

che nian hai shi heng mei,
you still look beautiful from the side view

wo yong yan guang qu zui,
i follow you with my sight

yi ting jian ni de lei,
i only hear the sorrowful tears

jie jing yi zhi zai hou tui,
the faded visions going backwards

ni de peng gui zai zhuan wai ling chui,
your indecisiveness floats along and reflects on the car window

Chorus:
wo yi lu xiang bei,
i walk towards the north

li kai you ni de ji jie,
leaving the memories of us behind

ni shuo ni hao lei,
you say you were too tired

yi wu fa ai shang shui,
you cant love another

feng zai shang lu chui,
winds blowing across the streets

guo wang the hua mian zuan dou shi wo bu dui,
the past is all of my wrongdoings

xi shu de can kui,
times i truly regret

wo shang ni ji hui,
hurting you
(repeat 1st verse)
(2nd verse)
zai che chuang wai mian ,pai huai shi wo chuo shi de ji hui
passing the windows of your car,i missed the chances there

ni zhan de fang wei,geng wo zhong jian ge zhe lei,
tears are in between where you and i stand

(repeat chorus)
fang xiong pan zhou wei,hui zhuan zhe wo de hou hui,
looking around my surroundings,i cant help the sense of regretting

wo jia shu chao yue,
i was too impatient

que shuai bu diao jin jin gen shui de shang bei,
i cant let go the pain that follows me through

xi shu de can kui,
times i truly regret

wo shang ni ji hui,
hurting you

ting zhi lang bei,
stopping all that i can

jiu rang cuo chun cui,
or let the mistakes continued on....

As i walked through life...

2005-09-17T10:47:00.000+08:00

As I've walked through life, I've learned that...
You should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
You can let things go in a day of confusion, and spend a lifetime wanting back what you tossed away.
No matter how much you care, some people will not care back.
It takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
It is not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.
You can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better know something.
You shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but continually strive to improve on your best.
If someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, that doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
Winning is not worth damaging your health or losing your piece of mind.
We are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
Heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
Money is a lousy way of keeping score.
Sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.
Sometimes when I'm angry, I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
True friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.
Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them. It has less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
No matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you once in a while, and you must forgive them for that.
It isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you must forgive yourself.
No matter how bad your heart is broken, the world will not stop for your grief. Yet you can take the time out to pick up the pieces, heal, and move on.
Just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
We don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
Two people can look at the exact same thing and see two different things.
Even when you think you have no more to give, you will find the strength to help when a friend cries out to you.
Credentials on a wall or behind a name do not make someone a brilliant, successful, or compassionate human being. What the human being brings to the credentials is what counts.

its finally over...

2005-09-17T01:41:00.000+08:00

after two gruelling weeks of studying 24/7,practically stuck at the desk with nothing but books,books and books....finally its over...heaved a sigh of relieved...finals are gone and today officially i m so gonna zzzz all the way to god knows when ...anyways i m so glad that finally everything is over...meanwhile today been one of the longest day...but a rather happy affair, and everyone must be celebrating wif me as well..hehe meanwhile matta fair started today and i really gotta go book my tickets soon ...my best friend called me all the way from LA it was so good to hear from u...i really miss ya man....meanwhile i cant wait to get to LA, gosh i din know det we were flying to florida as well....man i m gonna be so broke after the trip but i know its gonna be so worth it....cant wait..meanwhile i just hope i get my visa approval soon....
By the way, i ve lined up my activities to the max, gonna attend a workshop specially conducted by STOMp, this international group which makes music out of anything...bet it ll b hell of an experience, and i m sooo excited....i ve been selected to attend this forum too, some leadership thing and only like 40 students in the whole of malaysia get the privilige to go...man i m so honoured....:) ll further blog to tell on the expereience that i ll be enduring or enjoying..:) anyways i gotta go...really tired...sleeping time is here....:) nitez

letting go...

2005-09-17T01:38:00.000+08:00

Letting Go
Letting go is not to stop caring—it means I can't do it for someone else.
Letting go is not to cut myself off—it's the realization that I can't control another.
Letting go is not to enable—but to allow learning from natural consequences.
Letting go is not to admit powerlessness—which means the outcome is not in my hands.
Letting go is not to change or blame another—it's to make the most of myself.
Letting go is not to fix—but to be supportive; it's not to judge—but to allow another to be a human being.
Letting go is not to be in the middle, arranging the outcome—but to allow others to effect their own destinies.
Letting go is not to be protective—it's to permit another to face reality.
Letting go is not to deny—but to accept.
Letting go is not to nag, scold, or argue—but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
Letting go is not to criticize and regulate anybody—but to try to become what I dream I can be.
Letting go is not to regret the past—but to grow and live for the future.
Letting go is to fear less and live more.

its a blessing indeed...

2005-09-10T22:57:00.000+08:00

i finally come through everything and i just feel so blessed now,recently i had many problems that surfaced over me but in the end faith and a maturity sense of thought, plus the love of family and beautiful friends which had shown me so much ve let me to become a better person today...all in all i do feel very happy now det i ve gotten myself back on track, thus the last 2 weeks i ve been studying my butt off to pay back for the endless partying sessions...(hopefully to be continued after exams....) meanwhile just wanted to apologized to some ppl which i might ve caused unnecessary issues,and just wanted u to know how childish i realised after i looked back at the actions done....point is...i ve too much in my life to do, so much so that my direction and goals ll never allow me to be irrational in things that i can control,hence,i shall never let petty issues n uncertain dillemma get in line with more important things ....
to the friends around who have been going through things as well,i just want u to know det i realised its all in the mind,if u r willing to admit ur mistakes,face urself by being firm and turn away from the pressures, u ll be able to get back on track as well.....do not let feelings overwhelmed u ..its not a matter of why,its a matter of how? u would to deal with things....
to find peace with ur inner self is to learn to take care of urself, ur sense of well being and understanding what u really are....people can do things to hurt u etc..but it is u who choose to be hurt or not...what matters is how u perceived it...if u r ignorant bout it u ll be...in the end..noone can really tell u wat or why ,it is you who have to step up and take the problem and handle it yourself....remind urself how lucky u are having all that u would have had,dun compare cuz u ll ve wat another ll not,point is its the way u see things that gives u the little happiness of life....
lastly,god will always help those who help themselves and that is where it really happens,all in all i m glad to ve wat i ve now, and i really sincerely thank god for it....i pray for all the ppl det i care about and hope that u all too will manage to find urself out of all ur confusion.....meanwhile my support and love as ur friend will be with u 100%....peace and take care...:)

the truth within happiness...

2005-09-07T11:19:00.000+08:00

The truth about happiness is just being true to yourself and coming out of your fears,being able to look back and criticize,realising your mistakes and never look back twice on it,move on and become better,stronger and understanding...:)...(i am working on it..)

dont worry be happy..:P

2005-09-06T19:11:00.000+08:00

(interesting article :) )

Worry about Nothing Pray about Everything
The following passages are taken from Charles R Swindoll’s book “Laugh Again---Experience Outrageous Joy,” published in 1992.

The trouble with worry is that it doesn’t seem all that harmful. It is a little like the first few snorts of cocaine. A person may know down inside it is not good, but surely it can’t be as bad as some have made it out to be. Foolish thinking.
When it comes to worry, we blithely excuse it. For example, one evening we say to a friend, “Hey, don’t worry,” Our friend responds, “Well, maybe I shouldn’t, but you know me. I’m just the worrying type.” We answer back, “Yeah, well, I sure understand. I myself am a worrier. Can’t blame somebody for feeling a little concerned tonight.”
What if we changed that conversation to refer to drinking too much alcohol. Imagine this: “Hey, things will work out.” Our friend responds, “Well, maybe I shouldn’t, but you know me. I’m just the liquor-drinking type.” Answering back, we say, “Yeah, well, I sure understand. I myself drink too much. Can’t blame somebody for drinking a couple extras tonight.” Suddenly, worry takes on a new significance.

Analyzing the Problem
Of all the joy stealers that can plague our lives, none is more nagging, more agitating, or more prevalent than worry.
We get our English word worry from the German word wurgen, which means “to strangle, to choke.” Our Lord mentioned that very word picture when He addressed the subject on one occasion.

The sower sows the word. And these are the ones who are beside the road where the word is sown; and when they hear, immediately Satan comes and takes away the word which has been sown in them. And in a similar way these are the ones on whom seed was sown on the rocky places, who, when they hear the word, immediately receive it with joy, and they have no firm root in themselves, but are only temporary, then, when affliction or persecution arises because of the word, immediately they fall away. And others are the ones on whom seed was sown among the thorns; these are the ones who have heard the word, and the worries of the world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the desires for other things enter in and choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful. (Mark 4:14—19 NASB)

In other words, when worry throttles our thinking, choking out the truth, we are unable to bear fruit. Along with becoming mentally harassed and emotionally strung out, we find ourselves spiritually strangled. Worry cuts off our motivation and lifeline of joy.
In spite of all these consequences, more people are addicted to worry than all other addictions combined. Are you one of them? If you are, you might as well put on hold all the things I have been saying in this book about being more joyful and carefree with an optimistic attitude. You will need to come to terms with your anxiety addiction before you find yourself freed up enough to laugh againUnderstanding God’s Therapy
Do you realize that God has a sure-cure solution to worry? Has anyone ever told you that if you perfect the process you will be able to live a worry-free existence? Yes, you read that correctly. And if you know me fairly well, you know that I seldom make statements anywhere near that dogmatic. But in this one I am confident. If you will follow God’s stated procedure, you will free yourself to laugh again.

First, let’s let the Scriptures speak for themselves:
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your forbearing spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:4—7)

Next, let’s get six words clearly fixed in our minds. These six words form the foundation of God’s therapeutic process for all worrywarts.
WORRY ABOUT NOTHING,
PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING
Say that over and over until you can say it without looking. Say the six words aloud. Close the book. Close your eyes. Picture the words in your mind. Spend a minute or more turning them over in your head. What qualifies as a worry? Anything that drains your tank of joy—--something you cannot change, something you are not responsible for, something you are unable to control, something (or someone) that frightens and torments you, agitates you, keeps you awake when you should be asleep. All of that now needs to be switched from your worry list to your prayer list. Give each worry--—one by one—--to God. Do that at this very moment. Tell the Lord you will no longer keep your anxiety to yourself.
Now then, once you buy into this all-important plan God has provided for those who wish to be free, you will begin to have time left in your day. . . lots of extra time and energy. Why? Because you used to spend that time worrying. Your addiction, like all addictions, held you captive. It took your time, it required your attention, it forced you to focus on stuff you had no business trying to deal with or solve.
So what now? How do you spend the time you used to waste worrying? Go back to the words from Paul to the Philippians. As I read them over, I find three key words emerging:
rejoice (v. 4)
relax (v.5)
rest (v. 7)

They look pretty easy, but for someone who has worried as long as you have, they are not. You haven’t done much of any of these three lately, have you?

To begin with, REJOICE! Worry about nothing . . . pray about everything, and REJOICE!
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!
(Phil 4:4)

Because we have repeated the term and several synonyms throughout the book so often, the whole idea could begin to lose its edge. Don’t let it. Rejoicing is clearly a scriptural command. To ignore it, I need to remind you, is disobedience. In place of worry, start spending time enjoying the release of your humor. Find the bright side, the sunny side of life. Deliberately look for things that are funny during your day. Loosen up and laugh freely. Laugh more often. Consciously stay aware of the importance of a cheerful countenance. Live lightheartedly! Stop reading only the grim sections of the newspaper. Watch less television and start reading more books that bring a smile instead of a frown. That’s exactly why you picked up this one! We put a cover on it that would attract your attention (I think my publisher did a bang-up job don’t you?), and as you thumbed through it you probably thought something like, I need to quit being so serious—--maybe this book will help. Don’t stop with this book. Choose others like it. Feed your mind with more uplifting “thought food.”

the path of love...

2005-09-04T21:53:00.000+08:00

love a feeling that is unspoken,
a doubt irrational,unthinkable.
feelings of a all sorts irreplaceable,
extending a emotional confusing thought.

causing senseless actions,
envious,jealousy one way or another.
blunt integrity and endless desires,
whats left of the path which tortures inner fears..

then,love should learn to forgive,to forget,
to release,to let go the emotions,
is to seek a better understanding,to get rid
of all unwanted attention,
nothing but good intentions,
to those whom are loved..

the greatest love of all is to put aside,be selfless and
be able to sacrificed,so if this cannot be done,
probably thats not love,its just a unjustifiable feeling,
bearing resemblance or comfort??
or just a personal dilemma,a fault refused to be faced

in the end it hurts when u see those u love being hurt,
thus,smile,be happy...life afterall have too much to offer,
and there still a lot of path leading to love,
as long as one is still healthy and alive......

whirlwind confusion...

2005-09-03T22:58:00.000+08:00

rocky mountains,atlantic oceans,
where does the sun sets ,strings of confusion..
unknown answers,untouchable consequence,
moving across is like a movement at lost..

points to ponder,
desires emulated,words are wonders,
actions inculcated..walking beyond,
walking within,running along,
unending sequence..

pretending to be what is not at ease,
becoming ignorant because it gives bliss..
does it count in between if letting go is the answer??
or does it promise a better start a better future??

protecting the feelings of not knowing the truth,
thoughts that are indecisive ,inapppropriate.
what would gives such a whirlwind confusion..
human nature,desires of love,
wondering why it never works...

expect the unexpected,
or ignore the unknown,
whats left if nothing happens,
is it fate or the action??

time tells,it saids..
what if it cant wait,or it will never dare to walk beyond horizons,
because it just never want to suffer the same consequences....

feelings...

2005-08-31T16:49:00.000+08:00

watching across gentle shores,
splashing waves in lines with the oars,
a fine line of good and evil beneath,
a decision to join made by a imaginative illusion.

whats the difference even if u succumbed to it?
it does make one if u do not emerged.
feelings of joy,temporary?
permanent joy does not comes in this way,
its such easiness to go with the waves,
for going against is far to hard to do..

its best to stick to the sandy shores,
for confusion will not call,
its best to understand the consequence of an action,
but rationality yet another question..

point is never go across the boundary,
because its not bout losing the control of the breeze,
its more to losing the identity that is within..
feelings were never lie,and det is wat that lies within the limit,
instinct tells when things are wrong important thing is to regcognise and stop
turn ur back n walk away...

mistakes ll always be made,but forgiveness must also be given,
for noone is perfect,love still holds on,n it should never turn to hate.
thats the magic of the entire thing ....feelings
sense of joy,free,released state..:)

finals coming arrgggg...:P

2005-08-31T16:18:00.000+08:00

finally the last exam of the year..and guess wat i m still plain lazy, not only det i ve been going out partying just too much....its seriously time to stop...sigh..(i wish i mean it this very time) anyways updating from last week till today i was out wif YC for the capoeira thing...its this really cool up and coming brazillian martial arts which is a crazed now and i m definitely joining during my hols...anyways they perform in front of bangsar jln telawi every fortnight,part of advertisement n entertainment,went wif some of this ppl for dancing,dere was this guy which was such a great shuffler...really i feel like a robot next to him :P...met my friends dere ..seriously KL a rather small world...den was out wif mun mun ...hehe the massage was good rite :) ..anyways just to congratulate my heng tai and cherished friends u know who u r...for the excellent results that u all gotten..( my ex lawmates) so proud of u....:) die now i m gonna be surrounded by so many future lawyers...at least i wont be branded as talkative anymore...
last nite another crazy nite...were in 2 places and the crowd was good, met new friends ,were really nice ,a really good partying affair, once again...i ve to remind myself to not go overboard...so after today..its time to STUDY....i ve to engrave this in my mind 24/7..meanwhile just had a great lunch wif my family...everyone seems so happy lately... glad for them....as for me...i ve many things on my head (finals ..sigh)...however in few lines i shall sum it all up......i m glad to have friends like u, pulling me through and u know whom u r , ve no idea how much i appreciate our friendship...i know i m being long winded but honestly dets from the bottom of the heart....:p n i ll do the same for u anytime wherever u all are...:)

simple plan-untitled

2005-08-29T01:00:00.000+08:00

lyrics-
I open my eyes,
I try to see but
I'm blinded by the white light.
I can't remember how,
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight.
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

Chorus:
How could this happen to me?
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound
But no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto
A time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
(chorus)

mesmerise...

2005-08-28T23:17:00.000+08:00

silver linings,tapestry windings,
seeping thoughts,generally fades.
embezzled by a diamond,intrigue by an action,
unforbidden answers,mesmerises...

shooting stars,meteoroids corona,
world being wide,shallowness being deep.
creepiness of ease,
tired of all these,
an answer of glory,peacefulness yet another story.

sense of wonder,indepth to acquire,
threaten to be received,unknowingly it leaves...

happiness surrounds a numb,ignorant sight,
shining on the surfaced,
dying beneath a triangular circuit....
resurfaced by a desire to return to the unheard,
life is a beautiful journey,thus
be mesmerised....

thoughts..

2005-08-27T01:13:00.000+08:00

( this poem is written to constantly remind myself of the things i need to work on....a great reminder..to enable myself to stop running away and start facing the problems that occurs...during the time when i was chairing a talent event...i had faced a lot of difficulties handling people....i hope that i could improve in the areas n also in handling many other factors of my life..)

the thorns on a rose plant,
pricks the hands upon touch.
ignore the pain,let go, thorns are just part of the plant.

if mistakes are made,to admit and stand for it,
is parts and parcels of the lessons that comes upon.
stop blaming others,do not seek solace,
face it and be quiet.

truth is an action,speech a weapon,
running away,all is nothing but foolish indecisions.
standing by and being understanding holds the best precision.

feeling the pain as it goes within,
its really nothing when u see past the picture.
thus reminding oneself never to stray to the wrong path,
the right key to the right action.

faith is a strong healer,
love a strong agent,
holding on is the best answer,thus may all said be forgiven...
in the end losing face is nothing as compared to not knowing
what is wrong within.

in the end,life is simple
if u dare face urself,be down to earth,
stop looking afar..and start doing worthwhile things that are more precious thus far...

sense of redemption

2005-08-25T14:52:00.000+08:00

someone told me that i shall be given peace...to uphold myself..and the respect i do not deserve from...i finally ve just one thing to say to u...

noone will know what really happens,
and u of all people knows the truth..
if i was a friend,u made it clear...
but did u...lets leave this question to be left as blank...becuz what denial,excuses
the truth is u n only u will know..

love a unquestionable,mortal sadness..
since u knew...why did u play with it,
what causes u to do things u know adds on to the burden..
what respect is this...what understanding??

how insensitive..unrequited love u say??/
well let me tell u one thing...u the one who needs peace is u and urself..
u dun respect love for if u do, u wont play with another's heart...
probably i m wrong n i still need to learn a lot...but one thing i m know is my conscience is clear..
u used me...and thats the friend u say u r..
u knew i ll b dere..n so i shall be becuz thats what love is all about..
but i ve close the chapter becuz i realised det i cannot let u used me again..

it would never feel right becuz wat is done is done...but i do know now i made the right decision..
and u ll never a true friend....and thats what det hurt the most losing a good friend...

goodbye..

2005-08-25T01:09:00.000+08:00

a chapter closed,
a chapter opens.
a lot happens,things done are unquestioned,
words do not help,a feeling of being used .
yet a sense of pleasure....deep down.

a sense of regret,
moments of silence,
a decision so swift,
no regrets,no wonders.

why does this happens,the unthinkable.
where did the bravery comes,
it did...things happens..
why is it so painful,yet so sweet??
why does it seems so immature,
yet it has to be done.

false hope ll lead on to lies,
to face unreality of the allies.
goodbye..its time...
goodbye......goodbye..:)
lets begin the journey of a new life.....

recharge rave party...

2005-08-21T22:34:00.000+08:00

yesterday was really a blast...15 of us when down to pd to party at this year rave ...it features three main rooms with two rooms spinning diff music by reknowned dj spinners whom are regulars at clubbing scene...there was a ferris wheel as well...too bad we din have the time to try that out..cuz we were just too bz boozing ..getting high n dancing our feets off..i had the greatest time dancing....hehe for once i drank so much i had to puke...but no regrets man..it was really really fun...there were close to 18000 ppl dere so u can imagine the crowd..gals were decked in beachwear bikinis and such...man the guys really had a good treat just viewing the stream of gals...meanwhile i had better start to hit the books soon n stop the clubbing scene for a while.....
hmm..wonder why but clubbing is really addictive..its like the idea of being able to enjoy moments of carefree happiness...getting away from the daily stress..probs...anyways...back to reality..i m starting to feel a guilty in partying too much....its like i ve been out every other week...sigh...anyhow..thats what being 21 is all about i guess..to go out dere n PARrttay...hehe :)
lately i m starting to feel a sudden change in myself..its like i had morphed into the person that i had always try to hide becuz i was just not prepared to reveal ...u know sumtimes i wonder whether it is bad or good..but the thing is..i dun feel anything but just being naturally me..yet sumwat i m just bothered with y there's this feeling telling me otherwise..anyhow..i guess sumtime ppl gotta change to be able to live life to the fullest no doubt bout it i m really starting to view many things in different dimensions n i really cant deny i was not into the zone at one point..well...thats the whole idea bout life i guess searching for the person that we r and trying to get the better out of it....u know its not bout wat ppl thinks or judge us..its really about how we think n judge ourselves becuz the most important thing is being able to live with the conscience that is clear and being able to pass the line we set for ourselves individually....
everyone ve many fidd reasons to changed but i know mine is just becuz of myself tryin to find the way out of this whole confusion but being able to live it on well.....anyhow to all my friends out dere...no matter wat i would to become off...one thing that i can assure u all is det my love to u as ur friend reamains just the same always....:)

a dedication to a special person...

2005-08-17T23:19:00.000+08:00

last week a really sad thing happenend to a classmate of mine..though it is really a shocked to all of us..but i just want u to know det..we ll be dere to support u through and through..n u must fight to live becuz u ll ..u ve too and u ll be alright..:)

the unexpected roads....
with widen path we crosses,
all out roads are at a lost.
we dunno which one leads to which,
but alas it does fall in the same end..same width.

probably urs came a lil early,
but u know its ur will to change to seek,
they say u do not challenge fate,
but what they meant is det u do not let fate takes ur hand but rather face it with what is ur challenge.

nothing done or said gives effect,
but being brave and staying strong is vital becuz
elements of faith drives all fears away.
most importantly u know u done no wrong,
its noones fault,n noones mistake,
it is neither a curse nor blessing,
but its a changed that occured which lets just say another road to take.

alas...positivity gives hope and lots of happiness,
do not worry my friend becuz u dun ve too,
all u ever need to do is continue ur beautiful smile n journey of life,
and ur friends here ll always love u no matter wat and thats y u ve to stay ur path n walk it on..
fear not becuz we walk along with u...just as u do too with us..:)

lots and lots of love....many prayers and blessings to u..take care my friend..regards to ur family..

my new laptop..i love my bro..:)

2005-08-17T23:15:00.000+08:00

my brother bought me my bday pressie..quite delayed..but it was really the best pressie i ever had...i finally gotten my laptop..HP...n i m just so thrill with it....anyways to my good ol bro..thanks a bunch...really lurve it..to bits..:)

the unexpected things bout life...

2005-08-17T22:52:00.000+08:00

i ve so many things to blog about i really dunno where to start...just a week and i ve done so much that i now wonder y i dun feel time ...becuz i m going ahead of it..anyways after today's math test..i really need a break..goodness another 2 more weeks and i ll be having my finals...n yet i still ve not started...best part is det i m actually gonna go for the rave party this sat...honestly i cant wait...just gotten the tickets wif andrew...guess wat i seriously m a dangerous person to go out wif..seems like whenever i m out wif ppl i ll either caused them to lose their things...the other time wif darren n co...we lost car n all ...this time again we lost the carpark ticket n the car..hehehe..but the best part is det we actually found it back..cuz andrew remembers that he drop it in coffeebean hehehe..:P so now we must buy lottery ticket cuz to find sumthing like a carpark ticket lost especially in a place like mid val..a miracle to get it back....meanwhile i just cant wait for the beach party...we r gonna party baby...

this weeks i ve been out clubbing so many rounds its really fun..but of cuz balancing the studies is not..but what the hecklar..study hard play even harder my motto these days..last fri was really great...we had the farewell for darren n yoshie who were leaving for hawaii...bet they r enjoying the sun,surf n all now...:)anyways this time we went to nouvo bout close to 25 of us..we had the giant chivas rite in front n well...quite a number of them gotten drunk...( u know who u are.) meanwhile i was not...hehe cuz i had to take care of ppl drunk rite...:P anyways it was really a great nitelar enjoyed myself ...cept that when on the way back sumthing happened to the car which i was driving..i m such a blur person..din even noticed that there was no water and the car was overheated anyways luckily everthiing was ok ...meanwhile i din sleep n went straight for test the morning later....
seriously it was really god's blessinglar..the fact that i was partying like hell the nite before n yet i could still do the paper...seriously must not play wif my luck like det anymore...would u believe if i tell u det i only made a mistake out of the whole thing..oklar at most 2..u know wat neither could i..hehehe..:)anyways i gotta get back to my assignments n studies pay up for my guilt so det i can party properly this sat...sigh...life is fun ,stress,but still wat the hecklar..life's short hehe..:)

thought of the day...

2005-08-11T17:10:00.000+08:00

Enlightenment and Free Will

We have the free will to allow our mind to be in charge, or to surrender control to a higher Source. Surrendering control is the major challenge of our lives.

The spiritual path is the path of healing the ego, the mind, the wounded self, so that rather than our wounded self being in charge, we are able to release our will to God.

We are beings of free will. We can choose to allow our mind, our ego, our wounded self to guide us, or we can choose to allow God to guide us.

This is a simple concept, yet doing it is the major challenge of our lives. This is because we have been practicing allowing our mind, with all the fears and false beliefs that we have acquired over the years, to be in charge. Our mind thinks it knows what to do. It thinks it has the knowledge to make good decisions. Yet the mind cannot distinguish between what is in our highest good and what hurts us, between what is true and what is not. The mind tells us things like, "I am taking care of my self when I blame someone for my hurt feelings," or "I am taking care of myself when I reward myself with a doughnut," or "I am taking care of myself when I relax with pot,"or "I am taking care of myself when I yell at someone who is not doing what I want them to do," or "I am taking care of myself when I walk away from someone in anger." Yet all of these behaviors are ways of trying to control others or our own feelings, rather than taking loving care of ourselves.

a good trip,enjoyable friends..great weekend..:)

2005-08-07T23:00:00.000+08:00

On friday i went up with a group of uni mates to genting to watch a show....it was a wonderful trip, ended up in the casino..n guess wat i won from genting playing a game called big and small..it was so much fun becuz i just din know how the hell to play the game but i won..hehe talk bout first timer's luck..anyways i guess i was just pretty lucky...anyhow the people around me can't believe that i just placed a chip on a number that is impossible to be won and guess wat it did...the banker probably thought i was stupid at first but i got the last laugh...afterthat we continued our gambling to wee hours of the morning cuz we just could not sleep in the apartment.. we were having so much fun wif the boozing,gambling,..shitlar lucky nothing happened hehe.....meanwhile i just got back from the pc fair...this year they held it in kl convention centre in KLCC...
the place was just so damn crowded...i went wif sky,his korean cousin and darren...they came to pick me up....anyways dunno whats wrong wif uslar..first we lost one another in the crowd then we forgotten where we parked the car...it was just unlucky of uslar...darren ended up buying a laptop...i wanted to get too but since my bro already promised to get a HP model for me...i think i ll go wif that brandlar...meanwhile the mp3 were going on for a very cheap price..for a 512kb it cost bout rm449 from samsung..it was a nice one too...i think i ll go get itlar...anyways..sky was entertaining me wif his korean stories..afterthat we went to pyramid to collect darren's laptop...unfortunately when we gotten dere the shop was closed..talk bout bad luck..we gave up and went bak kut teh instead..
all in all the day was rather spoilt with so many happenings going on..2 hours wasted on walking wround anyhow...at least the food was good..meanwhile its ur faultlar darren...heheh.:) shit man when u guys go off to hawaii i ll not be able to ve ppl like u to hangout with..neways..i m so looking forward to aug 12th we must party like mad k...till then i gtg get my presentation done up for tomorrow's assignment...sigh...pressurelar..finals coming..btw...it was great being able to meet up wif u marcus before u left...good luck wif the photography things..and man when u become famous u better do a private potrait shot session for me for free...hehe..till then hope to see u in dec..:)

surrounding pressures....

2005-08-05T00:24:00.000+08:00

when rough sea beckons,
the ship sails on.
watch across the horizons,
familiar faces appear.

Tempting or lust,
one just wonders..
undecided to the point,
thought turned desires.

To looked back or walk within,
to hang on and let go...
its a point of no return,
as neither makes a fair decision.

to let nature take it course,
or to let temptation spite the source.
what really matters,
its the heart of two souls together.

pressure surrounds,
faith cures indecision,
hope allows trust, thus love remained unharmed.

the tyranny of neing a good girl or good boy...

2005-07-29T19:08:00.000+08:00

Many of us grew up in households where our profound needs for love and safety were not met. We did not feel safe and loved in the face of disapproval, criticism, rejection, abandonment, smothering, engulfment, physical abuse, sexual abuse. We did not feel safe when there was yelling, fighting, violence, substance abuse.

We had to do something to feel safe. Some of us figured out that we could have some control over our parents' or other caregivers' behavior if we were really good, if we attempted to do everything right. We figured out that if we disconnected from ourselves, from our own feelings and stayed acutely tuned into the feelings of those around us, we could have some control over getting some approval and avoiding what we feared. We learned to feel a degree of safety by being a good girl, a good boy.

The problem is that, while we may have had some success with this strategy in our childhood homes, this same strategy is now causing our problems in our relationships at work and at home. When we disconnect from our own feelings, we become invisible to ourselves. Others end up treating us the way we treat ourselves, so we become invisible to others as well. As adults, we end up bringing about the very rejection we are trying to avoid, because we are rejecting ourselves.
I have had this same challenge. It was such a shock to me to discover years ago that, rather than being the loving person I thought I was, I was attempting to control how others felt about me by being "nice". By putting myself aside and doing what I thought others wanted me to do, and being what I thought others wanted me to be, I was trying to control getting love and approval and avoiding disapproval. The result was that I was anxious around others who were important to me, always fearing that I would say or do something wrong and experience the rejection I so feared.

When I finally realized that being loving meant being loving to myself as well as to others, I turned my eyes inward and started to practice becoming aware of my own feelings and needs. Instead of making others responsible for defining my worth and lovability through their approval, I took on the responsibility of defining my own worth and lovability. I developed a strong connection with a spiritual source of love and wisdom, which helped me to see the truth of who I really am. I learned to be an advocate for myself, seeing myself and speaking up for my own feelings and needs rather than making others responsible for seeing me.

I am no longer a "good girl" having to do everything right to please others and gain their approval. I am no longer "nice" as a form of manipulation. That's not to say that being loving to others is not a very high priority - it is. But now I include myself in the equation rather than expecting others to love me enough to feel safe, adequate, worthy and lovable.

coping with the loss of a love one....

2005-07-27T22:04:00.000+08:00

i wish to dedicate this to a very very good friend for the loss that he ve experienced recently...having said that this poem is also for the people especially friends that i really care about and things that ve happened around these few days ve just make me realized that life is really so precious and as such i pray for all the well being of u all,health,happiness...etc..

A journey of love and compassion...

if skies were gray and clouds were white,
i ll be the stars brightly shining around the sides.
at times when u r in need,
and when u feel deeply not at peace,
its the same feeling i will feel n u r not alone in it.

the ups and downs of this journey we lead,
its all about being alive and being well,
as such nothing matters more than this.
when things do happen, a lesson is always learned,
its never easy to accept,yet,acceptance will be the turn to a healing process.

being a friend,i ve my limitations at times,
however at heart i pray for u at all times.
I wish i could help more in many ways at many times,
yet, being incapable of doing some things which limits my ability at that point.

i believe to be a true friend is to learn to understand,
to hold back when its not necessary, to step aside when its not my boundary,
but just to stay dere as a shoulder and to provide a ear.
most importantly a sincere heart n a clear conscience.
i wish i could do more, but i know some things i ve to leave u to face on ur own.

but no matter what i just want u to know, i ll be dere and thats a promise i ll give to u..
as such we dunno what ll happen tomorrow but i know that u ll always ve a place in my heart because u r people i cherished and i truely care about......:)

a nite in the jungle.....

2005-07-23T21:58:00.000+08:00

it was a friday nite, having met up wif a good friend for dinner,then joined yoshie n gang for clubbing.We went to rum jungle ,my first time dere, despite the very long wait to get in really enjoyed the nite( being half drunk..hehe)...honestly when u guys leave i m so gonna be a nun...noone else to party with...anyways m looking forward to the next one before u really leave for states....meanwhiledets bout all...finals are just around the corner n i m wondering how m i gonna get through it....sigh..

What does a relationship takes...

2005-07-20T22:17:00.000+08:00

How can you know if this is the right person with whom to spend your life? In this article, discover how to answer this question.

"How will I know when I meet the right person?"

I often hear this question in my counseling practice. The answer is fairly complex.

There are two different reasons that people have for wanting to get married:

To get love, validation, security and safety.

To share love and to grow emotionally and spiritually.
People who feel insecure and alone are likely to look for someone who will fill the inner emptiness and give them the love they are seeking. They want to find someone who will complete them and make them feel adequate and worthy. The problem is that no one can do this for another person - it is something we each need to learn to do for ourselves. Since we are always attracted to people who are at our common level of woundedness or our common level of health, a person looking to get love will attract a person also looking to get love. Each person hopes to get filled from the other, not realizing that each feels empty and really has nothing to give. Therefore, no one is the right person when the intent of getting married is to get love and security rather than to share love and learning.

Instead of asking the question, "Is this the right person for me?" why not ask, "Am I being the right person?" Am I being a person who comes to a relationship filled with love to share, or am I being a needy person hoping to get love and validation?

The main reason that many relationships don't work out is because each person is disappointed in not getting what they expected to get from the other person. But when a person does not know how to love and validate themselves and create an inner sense of safety and security, they certainly can't do this for another person. Yet this is what each person expects of the other. It's like trying to get water from a rock. What do you have to give when you feel empty within and want to get filled through another's love?

It is actually fairly easy to know if this is the right person for you when your intent in being in a relationship is to learn together and share love. A person who comes from a full place within finds it easy to discern when someone is empty inside, and will not be attracted to the empty person. A person who is truly open to learning about themselves, to growing emotionally and spiritually, to taking responsibility for their own feelings of safety and security, worth and lovability, will not be attracted to a person who is closed, controlling, and just wants to get love.

Knowing if this is the right person for you does not happen instantly. It takes months to discover whether or not a person is who they say they are. You cannot really know who a person is until you have conflict and find out what this person does in conflict. Some people can appear very open and loving until a conflict comes up and then they get angry, withdraw, resist or comply, closing down rather than staying open to learning about themselves and the other person. An important question is, how does this person deal with conflict and how long does it take them to open up if they do close in the face of conflict?

Since none of us enter relationships fully healed, it is very important to know that your partner is willing to explore conflict rather than just protect against it with controlling behavior. Conflict occurs in all relationships, and if both people are not open to learning about themselves and each other within the conflict, the unresolved conflicts will eventually destroy the relationship.

If you are a person who is open to learning and wants a relationship in order to share love, there are three essential ingredients that need to be present for the person to be the right person for you:

There needs to be a basic spark of attraction. If you do not feel physically attracted to this person within the first six months of the relationship, the chances are this attraction will not develop. It does not need to be instant, but it does need to be there at some point.

Both of you need to be capable of caring, compassion, and empathy - to be a giver rather than just a taker. If this person just wants what they want and doesn't care about what you want, they are not the right person for you. If you just want what you want and you don't care about what the other person wants or feels, you are not ready for a relationship.

Both people need to be open to learning in conflict rather than just wanting to win and be right. If both people are open to learning in conflict, conflicts will be resolved in loving ways, but power struggles will result if one or both of you are intent on controlling and winning.
Other ingredients, such as common interests and values, are also important, but without the above three ingredients, they will not sustain the relationship

Healthy grief vs unhealthy grief...

2005-07-18T09:49:00.000+08:00

We all know that it is in one's highest good to grieve the loss of a relationship. Yet grief is not always healing. Some people get stuck in their grief, locked into the past and unable to move forward in their lives. Learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy grief.
We all know that it is in one's highest good to grieve the loss of a relationship. Healthy grief releases feelings rather than allowing them to get stuck in the body.Healthy grief allows the griever to heal the loss and move on with life.
Yet grief is not always healing. Many of us have known people who were stuck in their grief, seemingly locked into the past and unable to move forward in their lives.
What is the difference between those who feel their grief and move on and those who get stuck in it? The difference lies in what they believe they have lost. When people believe they have lost their source of love, their grief will feel unending.
Gary had been in a three-year relationship with Samantha when Samantha decided to end the relationship. Gary was devastated. In this relationship, like in his past relationships, Gary was a taker - always trying to get love but unable to give love or share love. Samantha gave him a lot of love, but she often felt very lonely with him. Gary was devastated when she left because his source of love was gone. He was not grieving the loss of Samantha as a person he loved. He was grieving the loss of her love for him. He was grieving as a lost wounded child rather than as a loving adult.
As a result, Gary became stuck in his grief. He was stuck in feeling like a victim - stuck in "poor me." Gary had never done the inner work to develop an adult part of himself that could bring love to himself and share it with others. He felt lost, abandoned, and hurt. No matter how much he cried, no healing occurred. Because he was abandoning himself, he just continued to feel alone and despairing. Sometimes he was angry at Samantha for abandoning him and other times he was angry at himself for not being a better partner. He had many regrets that plagued him, and a constant inner refrain was, "If only I had..." "If only I had listened to her more, maybe she wouldn't have left." If only I had told her how beautiful she is, maybe she wouldn't have left."
Frank, on the other hand, was in deep grief over the death of his beloved wife, Beth. He had loved Beth with his whole heart and he missed her terribly. Yet Frank's grief was totally different than Gary's grief. Frank missed Beth's laugh. He missed her joy, her caring for people, her sense of wonder. He missed her as a person, and he missed being able to share his love with her. Frank had no regrets because he had not been a taker. He had loved Beth totally and was deeply grateful for the time he had with her. But Frank was actually fine. His grief came in waves, and he cried when it came. Then it washed through and he was fine again.
Frank was fine because Beth had not been the source of his sense of self. Frank had a strong loving inner adult who was connected with a spiritual source of love and wisdom. This was his Source, not Beth. Frank was a person who took full responsibility for his own pain and joy. He had never made Beth responsible for his feelings or his wellbeing. Because he had never abandoned himself, he could miss Beth and grieve for her without feeling abandoned, lost, victimized and alone.
Gary, on the other hand, was not fine, no matter how much sadness he released, because Samantha had been his Source of love, his Higher Power. He had handed to her the job of defining his sense of self, so when she left, all he could feel was abandoned. Gary had handed his Inner Child - his feeling self - to Samantha. He had made Samantha responsible for his feelings, so when she left, he felt like an abandoned child. His Source of love had gone away.
Because Frank knew how to love himself, he knew how to love others. Within a couple of years, Frank was in another loving relationship.
Gary found another relationship within six months of losing Samantha, and six months after that was again alone. Until Gary decides to learn to take responsibility for his own feelings and needs, he will likely continue to lose relationship after relationship, and continue to be stuck in feeling like a victim of the women in his life.

a celebration for the death...

2005-07-17T00:03:00.000+08:00

Its been a while since i last blogged..anyways the past three days had been a rather eye opener to me....my family had a celebration called "kong tet" ,its known as a celebration of the death done for many thousand years where in the taoism beliefs the purpose of conducting it is to ensure that our ancestors and following generations to come are throroughly blessed in health,good luck etc....
This was done consecutively for 3 days, despite being very reluctant to participate in the ritual...yet it was compulsory of me to do so as my family were involved with it...nevertheless it really open my eyes to a wider perspective of the chinese culture....this celebration was done in a very grand style, having spend over 60k just to burn a house and many many hell banknotes...goodness i think the notes are stacked to nearly 20 ft high....i am dead tired after having to go through all the prayers which were continuous non stop...anyways let me tell u what is this all about...just like in the movies ..my aunt did for my beloved uncle whom passed away from a freak accident,as in the chinese beliefs those who died this way will be send straight to hell....as such in this 3 days we help my uncle to pull him out of the 18 levels of hell n send him to heaven..
The rituals were more like a story where evry step n actions was done for a reason...like when we push the wheels around to get him out and when we finally burnt off the entire house consisting of 40 rooms for him as well as my ancestors to live in......the paper house was magnificent it was one of the best hse ever made and ordered in m'sia..specially shipped in from china..they took 3 weeks to build it...anyways at the end of the day i just hope that if this was true then i hope that my uncle can finally rest in peace, meanwhile may all the family be blessed.This is one of those events that i guess many wont even live to witness but i did...and thats just something rather eerie yet unbelievable.....really i should ve inform ripley's believe it all not to come film it..:P
will post some photos up once i get the cable to download my hp photos to the pc...

thinking over...

2005-07-10T13:58:00.000+08:00

its sunday...finally a rest day for the working ppl but for the students who ve exams every other week...its means day used to slave on studies...i m taking a break from it i ve such a bad flu its making me lethargic....anyways i just got off the phone wif steph...was so bz wif studies n yet no time to even find a good friend out for coffee....no worries ll make it up once i m on hols.....anyways..i din go to the gym today...i figure i prolly need a day for my body to rest....besides...i think i m overdoing it....
shtilar prolly i m getting addicted to it or so...must be ur influencelar woman!!! hehe:) anyways i still feel chubbish bcuz i cant seem to control my munching habits especially those chocolates n stressing from studies makes it even worse...sigh....i think i had better stop all this nonsense...
meanwhile watch a movie..ammityville definitely the best horror movie not to be missed..btw i lost the student rep campaign...but i m pretty happy bout it...cuz i dun think i m ready yet to take on student rep role in such a short time when i m now having trouble catching up back on the past studies i missed during the event..prolly i ll seriously go campaign next yr if i really want tolar...anyhow sorry for the dissapointment to those who voted for me...thanks for believing in me...i prolly ll have other chance to serve u meanwhile i had better get bak to my studieslar....